Echoes of Simplicity

New Blog...

2012-02-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

I have created a new blog. If you are wanting to read the latest posts you should go to:

monroell.wordpress.com

Ben

Follow Me To Freedom

2011-12-05T21:11:00.001-08:00

There are many books about leadership in circulation today. Most of them, if I can be honest, seem a little too self-help...ish. They usually have a "thing" so that you can remember them. Something like, "if you follow these 5 simple steps, you'll be an effective leader in no time!" If you can't tell by my sarcastic tone, I can't get into that type of book too easily. So, when I first picked up "Follow Me to Freedom" I was a bit skeptical since it was, after all, a book about leadership.

After finishing the book, my conclusion is that anyone who desires to be a leader of any sort within a faith-based or non-profit community should read it! I have read every book Shane Claiborne has authored or, more often, co-authored. I find him to be incredibly easy to read and also very inspiring to throw caution to the wind and follow Jesus into the chaos of the margins. I have not read anything by John Perkins prior to this book. While I find his writing style a bit less "catchy" than Claiborne's, I can honestly say that I want to read more of his work after having read his part in this one. I believe that Claiborne was strongly balanced out more-so than in any other co-authored book of his; more than "Jesus For President" and "Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers". This fact, in my opinion, makes "Follow Me to Freedom" his best, and most worth reading, book.

The style of "Follow Me to Freedom" is strictly conversational. They literally audio-taped several conversations and simply jotted down the transcripts. In some cases, this created a string of thoughts that might have been a bit easier to follow had it simply been written and not spoken first, but mostly it created a free flowing well wisdom that wasn't inhibited by over thinking.

Both Perkins and Claiborne approach leadership from a "Christian" perspective although they come from very different backgrounds, Claiborne being an inner city (almost monastic) dweller focused on the simplicity of life and faith and Perkins being one of the well known leaders to emerge from the Civil Rights Movement focused on leading through adversity. The difference in age and experience created a beautiful marriage of perspectives that somehow worked brilliantly.

As a young man trying to stumble through what it means to be a leader, I found this book very helpful, inspirational and thought provoking. I have found myself trying to embody the characteristics that Claiborne and Perkins spoke about. They did very well to stay away from a "5 step plan of success". They simply spoke of leaders they have known (both good and bad) and their own leadership experiences with the goal of helping the reader find his/her own niche of leadership.

One of the things I appreciated the most about this book was that Claiborne and Perkins did not only focus on leadership. They also spoke a lot about "followership". Honestly, this is something that gets overlooked when most people train leaders. Everyone should be following somebody. This book gave me the motivation to join a Leadership Initiative in Denver that is filled with people who are mostly older than I am and have had lots of inner-city ministry experience. Before reading this book, I don't think I would have thought much about the importance of surrounding myself with like-minded ministers who have a few years of experience on me.

"Follow Me To Freedom" is a very unique book and I give it 2 thumbs up (not sure if that's worth much to you...but, I figured I should have a rating system of some kind.) Peace.

Dad's Perspective

2011-11-24T21:27:00.001-08:00

DAD'S PERSPECTIVE

I wanted to offer my perspective of Nicole and I's birthing experience with Emery. Nicole has also posted this story from her perspective on her blog. You should definitely look at that too.

For starters, we were told at our 20 wk ultrasound that our baby had a "two-vessel" umbilical chord. This means that while a "normal" baby would be getting nutrients through 2 arteries and 1 vein, ours was getting them through 1 artery and 1 vein. This nugget of information is important to our story.

We were told that, due to our umbilical chord, we would not be allowed to go more than 1 week over the due date. We prayed that labor would come naturally before then, but as will happen in life; things didn't go as we had hoped. 41 weeks came and went and we ended up making a date with inducement. While we were a little disappointed, we were also excited to finally KNOW when our baby was going to be coming! As a father, this excited me more than I can express in words. Nicole had felt this child inside of her for several months, but I still had a very abstract understanding of the life that was soon to grace us.

We got to the hospital at 6:00pm on Friday, Nov. 18. This date is significant to us, because it marks the 5 year anniversary of my proposal to Nicole in Tulsa OK after an exciting night of Switchfoot. We hoped that miraculously, labor would start immediately and we would be able to share this anniversary with our child's birthday. But, as the theme of this story goes, things did not go as we had hoped.

After being induced with a slightly less powerful method than Pitocin we entered into the land of labor. Things started slow. Occasionally, Nicole would stop talking and take deep breaths. Then she would celebrate the fact that she was finally having contractions! This went on for a while and it became pretty clear to us that Nov. 18 would not be the birthday after all. So, we decided to sleep...Yeah Right! We tried, but it turns out that when you are in the process of having a baby (however slow that process might be progressing), it's rather hard to sleep.

After 12 hours of small contractions and not much dilation the decision was made that we would have to resort to Pitocin. This decision was made with great disappointment, because Nicole was committed to doing everything in her power to have a natural labor and delivery. No inducement and no epidural. If there is one thing Nicole should cut back on, it's "Google-ing" things. Her research had shown her that Pitocin dramatically increases the rate of intensity for a woman's contractions. In natural labor, her body will work itself into it...not with Pitocin.

After a few hours of the Pitocin drip contractions became much more regular and MUCH more intense. I started to grow worried. Not so much because of actual medical facts, but simply because I saw the love of my life in severe pain. The look in her eyes was one of determination, but also of exhaustion. By this point labor had been going for approximately 20 hours. Sleep wasn't really happening for us, so Nicole was running on fumes (understatement of the year!) At that moment I had never been more afraid or prouder of my wife. She proved to me in those moments that she was the stronger one between the two of us. I was brought to tears by her pain and by her determination to stick to her "natural as possible" plan. I realize that I am bragging, but she deserves it. Nicole was amazing and absolutely blew me away. She, at this point, had endured 20 hours of sleepless labor and around 4-5 hours of extreme pain. I'm pretty sure I would have thrown in the towel long before that point.

Our midwife checked to see how far dilated Nicole was. 5 cm. We were a little disappointed, but determined to go on. Nicole was urged by the midwife to give her good contractions in multiple positions in order to hopefully achieve a better dilation. Nicole was such a trooper. She was thinking about asking for an epidural by this point, but decided to go along with the midwife's suggestion. She endured extremely difficult contractions lasting for 60 seconds spaced 1.5 minutes apart. For those of you who don't know, the space those from beginning to beginning. Which means that Nicole endured incredibly painful contractions for an hour with only 30 seconds of relief between them.

After the hour of extreme pain the midwife checked again. 5 cm. Nicole was crushed. I was incredibly disappointed and the midwife pulled me aside for a "serious conversation". "Ben, I have delivered several babies naturally. Doing so has taught me to be able to read women. It has taught me to know when the are 'done'. Ben, Nicole is done." I knew that she was right, as did Nicole. "This baby is not moving in the right direction. Our only option at this point is to give Nicole an epidural and hope that we can make the baby cooperate". "If that doesn't work. We have a great person on call tonight that I trust with Nicole." The taboo word she was avoiding was of course Cesarean. I realized that what she was telling me was that our options were to change our birthing plan to include an epidural, or our baby would be at great risk and have to be taken out through emergency Cesarean Birth.

We made the decision to get the epidural. Almost immediately, Nicole went from rating her pain at a "10" to rating it at a "1". I was so relieved to see her "mostly" comfortable again. This was the perfect time for her to catch a quick nap and for me to grab some food while updated our families who were playing games in the waiting room. I talked with them, grabbed some food and then headed back to our room. Nicole was looking very uncomfortable and told me "Thank God, you're back! I thought you were going to miss the birth of your child!" I thought, "What? Our midwife is gone and will not be back for another 30 minutes, you're ready to push now?"

Our nurse came in and checked Nicole. 7 cm. Progress for sure, but not enough to make pushing safe. As time went on she became more and more uncomfortable and started to experience pain comparable to the pre-epidural contractions. We knew this wasn't right. The epidural had taken her to a "1" on the pain scale and now suddenly it's not working at all? The anesthesiologist came into the room and injected a "double strength" version of the epidural into Nicole's tube, but it didn't do anything. Finally, the decision was made to redo the epidural.

It turns out that the line going into her back had somehow gotten kinked. Somehow, the initial wave of medicine made it in, but slowly the drip stopped. I'm not sure how often this happens, but it is incredibly disappointing. You are in extreme pain...you suddenly feel better...and slowly the pain comes back?

They redid the epidural and Nicole once again felt incredible relief. At this point we had been in labor for about 25 hours and were desperate for sleep. We were given that chance at this point. Nicole's body still had some work to do, so we were told that our midwife would be back in an hour. She ended up letting us sleep for an hour and a half, before she came in to check on Nicole. 10 cm!!!!! That is the magic number! We had been in labor for 26.5 hours and we could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Nicole began to push. My heart was racing, tears were flowing and adrenaline was pumping! After about 15 minutes, it was apparent that our child was not only stubborn up to this point, but he/she would continue to be stubborn even now! The midwife gave the encouragement along with a warning that our baby NEEDED to come out in the next push or 2. That's quite a bit of pressure for an overwhelmed and exhausted woman, but Nicole absolutely rose to the challenge! She gave 2 more good pushes and then after 27 hours of labor and only 20 minutes of pushing (rare for first time moms) at 11:30pm on Saturday, November 19th, Emery Maxine Edwards came into this world!

I was crying, Nicole was holding Emery and I was given the task of identifying the gender. I didn't know I would get to do that and it made me very happy to be given that honor. "IT'S A GIRL!!!" I almost shouted with excitement as Nicole and I both gently revealed the name for a girl that we had known for years, but kept a secret throughout the pregnancy; Emery. Emery Maxine. Emery means "Home Strength" and Maxine is Nicole's Grandmother's middle name.

I spent several minutes with Nicole and Emery and then my excitement drove me to make the phone calls I needed to and go announce Emery's birth to the family in the waiting room.

There are several details I have left out, some by choice and others because I am suffering from lack of sleep and new dad brain. All in all, this was the hardest and most beautiful experience of my life. Thank you to those of you who have sent us gifts of words, cloths, diapers, money, prayers, presence, etc. We are so blessed to have the family and friends that we do (Another gigantic understatement). Peace.

to new beginnings...and endings...

2011-11-16T21:07:00.001-08:00

If you are reading this, you probably know that Nicole and I are very, very close to having our first born. More so than I thought, this fact is causing me to look inward in an attempt to get to know who I really am. I don't know about you, but when I go through these "inward looking" experiences I have a compulsion to blog. I am not sure of the good or bad about this habit of mine, but for now it shall continue.

I am experiencing something desperately mystical. Too often I would be too entrenched in evaluations of the past or in fantasies about the future to actually soak in this mysticism. But, this time I am fully aware of it...and it honestly kind of scares me.

Life is about the drastically change. There is nothing I can do about it. When I got married, life definitely changed, but somehow this seems even bigger. The mysticism is wrapped in the fact that I am making a huge transition from "Ben" to "Dad". Even when I type that word, it seems too big to be true to me. I don't feel old enough, wise enough or strong enough to carry that title. But, despite my self-doubt, that title will be bestowed onto me anyway. Today, I am a husband caring for my wife who will soon be experiencing labor. But I am also in the middle of the mystical transition into parenthood. The phase of life that will forever define me. Beyond any accomplishments or shortcomings, to my children I will be, first and foremost, Dad.

The "inward" piece about all of this lies in the question: What kind of Dad will I be? Just like any new parent, I have my "anti-personal experience" parenting goals. I witnessed mistakes (or just annoying things) that my parents have done and I aim to not repeat them. But, I also have my "Thank you for that" parenting goals. I also witnessed amazing love, courage, wisdom, etc. from my parents and only hope that I have what it takes to pass those things along. But, the question of what kind of Dad I will be runs deeper than looking at my childhood and picking out the goods and weeding out the bads. I have to add my own flavor to the job. I can't be my Dad. He's a different man. As hard as I may try, I will fail if that is my goal. I have to be willing to try, and possibly fail, at being Ben Edwards, Father and Husband. In pursuing this, the question of what kind of Dad I will be will be answered regardless of what I think right now.

My main goal at this point is to keep it simple. My Dad keeps confidently telling me that raising children is almost completely instinctual. "You will know what to do when you face that", he tells me. These words have comforted me greatly. I know I'll make mistakes. I know my kids won't always want to claim me. But, I hope that at the end of everyday I can at least say that I was there for my kids with love, integrity and courage. I might not have had all the right answers, and maybe I even disappointed them. But, they know I love them and that I am at least trying to be a good Dad. That is basically all I am aiming for at this point.

Nothing is certain about the future, but I want to do everything in my power to be the best Dad I can be. For those of you who have earned the right (through relationship with me) to speak into my life, please consider this your invitation to call me out if I am failing at my goal of being a good Husband and Father. The rest of you, pass your concerns along to one of them. :) Peace.

I want to hear you...because we disagree?

2011-10-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

It was Christmas time last year. Nicole and I were making Gingerbread Men alongside some of the cool folks from House For All Sinners and Saints. We began talking about some potentially divisive subjects that have led to several church splits in numerous denominations. As we talked Nadia Bolz-Weber, HFASS pastor told me something that has stuck with me. She said that when her denomination experienced one such split, many churches who's leaders did not agree with her position left the denomination. While several of her supporters were saying "good riddance" she took a different view. She honestly believed that with these other churches gone, her denomination was weaker. She mourned their leaving. I was taken back by her remark. If I were in her shoes, I might have joined in the "good riddance" group and celebrated the departure of the people who disagreed with me.

So the question is this; Is it important to respect those who don't agree with you to the point of strongly desiring their voice to be heard alongside yours? In desiring to follow Jesus, I kind of think yes. But, when I actually start to imagine those voices being broadcast alongside mine I want to say no.

I want to know what you think. Do Nadia's words shock us because they are true and deep down we know it? Or is it ok to drown out the opposing voices? Honest question. No trap. Thanks (in advance) for contributing to my conversation...possibly with myself. Peace.

GOP Debate...Immigration...Headache...

2011-09-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

After watching a portion of the GOP debate I can't help but feel frustrated. The particular issue being debated was immigration. I firmly believe that 90% of the people arguing about immigration have never knowingly gotten to know an undocumented immigrant. I know that my political views certainly became clear after getting to know several kids who would never know the full freedom of life as an American Citizen unless the laws changed. I love the name that several of these kids gave themselves years earlier; "The Dreamers". They dream of a better life for children of undocumented immigrants in the future.

My first beef with this particular debate was the constant use of the word "illegals". Honestly, how dehumanizing is that? These human beings, many of them bright and amazing people, are being reduced to their citizenship status. I guess that rather than "Ben", you should call me "Legal". I mean, come on let's be consistent.

My second beef was with the criticism that was given to a bill that was passed in Texas under Rick Perry that gave undocumented students the right to in-state tuition. Critics of this bill said that it was unfair to award "illegals" with in-state tuition when kids from the other 49 states aren't given that right. They also said that this would be a "magnet" to other "illegals" to come to Texas for the education. I had to laugh at that. I'll bet they are lining up to get a piece of that (still) $20,000/year action. I mean, now anyone can afford it! To compare these undocumented students to students from the other 49 states is unfair. Most, if not all, of the students attending UT under this bill have probably lived at least half their lives in Texas. Most of them probably don't even remember making the trip across the border. They are American and Texan as far as they can remember. If they don't get instate tuition in Texas, they don't get it anywhere. Students from the other 49 states have another option if they don't get in-state tuition in Texas...Their home state! Undocumented students don't have that luxury.

I know that there are several pieces to this puzzle, but I think that most of us are not thinking of this struggle in terms of a human rights issue. These are not inanimate objects, they are people. I know several people who are undocumented and most of them are among the kindest, most generous, hardest working and most hospitable folks I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'm sorry, but at this point I can't just look at this as a political issue. These politics directly effect people that I know and love. I am also convinced that if these people making these statements on this video knew the people that I knew they would have a change of heart as well. I am not sure that they would change their political stance (although I think they would), but at least they would change their language when discussing the issue, restoring dignity to the PEOPLE they are talking about. Peace.

Words...

2011-09-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to blog for a while now, but it seems I just couldn't quite work out exactly what I wanted to say. I am less than 2 months away from meeting my baby, friends and family are going through some difficult situations and the media is saturated with story after story that raises my blood pressure. A man who insisted he was innocent was put to death soliciting terribly tasteless "tweets" and "facebook" posts celebrating his execution. Incredibly difficult situations rage on overseas while our own President continues to struggle with important issues domestically. The frosting to this cake is the many politically charged facebook posts and tweets that seem to flood my "wall".
Honestly, all of these emotionally charged issues make me want to disengage from it all and simply focus on myself, my family and my friends. More than ever before I am finding myself annoyed with politics and the opinions of "party-liners". You know who I'm talking about. The people that never surprise you with their stance on a particular issue. When Obama makes a decision, you know before you see them post it that they either think it's the greatest plan ever or that it's somehow linked to the droppings from a horse's hind quarters. Either way, it's too predictable.
A recent conversation led me to the conclusion I will now share. There are people with very specific gifts and talents who are fighting the good fight within the political arena. I am going to have my opinions, as are all of you, but my "calling" in this life (at least for now) is to be a bit more short sighted than all of that. My life needs to consist of doing my best to love my wife, my coming child, the rest of my family, my friends, my puppy, the J.S. kids, the J.S. staff and all of the unknown persons I will encounter face to face everyday. I am realizing more and more that if I don't restrict myself to this way of life I will rob those people (and puppy) of the love they deserve and rob myself of the sanity and well being I desperately need.
That being said I will do my best to be a bit more light hearted and simply love the "other". I will allow myself to gawk over the fact that I am a Dad. I will resist the desire to engage pointless and fruitless debates about "issues" that neither of us can change anyway. I will do my best to learn the art of "slowness" and "quiet". Blessings.

I wanted to leave you with some music videos that help me achieve this "light heartedness". Enjoy.

The Art of Being

2011-08-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

Henri Nouwen told a story about beginning to work within a community of folks with mental disabilities. At this point he had already published several books and was a renowned speaker around the world. He had accomplished more in his life than most people he ran into. That's why he was challenged greatly by entering into this community. In most situations he had found himself relying on his accomplishments to give him the credibility to speak into people's lives. His reflections after beginning to work within this new community showed that he tried that and found that these people didn't give a rip about anything he had accomplished. They didn't care about how many books he had published. They didn't care about who he had met or who knows about him. They only seemed to care about how he treated them at that moment. They only cared about what KIND of person he was, not what kind of THINGS he had done.

I have been experiencing a shift in my thinking. This shift is similar to the one Nouwen experienced when he began work at L'Arche. I don't know if it's because I am a man or if it is because I grew up poor and unpopular, but I have often judged myself and dreamed of the future in terms of accomplishments. I would imagine life if I was a published author, a famous speaker, a rock star or even a famous film producer. Everything revolved around me accomplishing something.

I am at the threshold of one of life's biggest transitions. My wife and I are expecting to welcome a new life into the world in only 3 months. As you can imagine, this has caused me to do a lot of reflecting on life. My reflections have caused me to let go of my consuming need to accomplish. Actually, they have caused me to realize my need to let go of them. This is a process. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be done with them, but alas, they are harder than that to rid myself of.

The need to accomplish is foreign to following Jesus. I realize this might seem strange to hear, but I truly believe that Jesus was, and still is, far more concerned with being than doing. We have often read His thoughts on how we should produce fruit. What's interesting about this is that we immediately focus on the fruit. I can't help but think that our focus is a bit misplaced. Jesus says that we produce good fruit if we are in Him. While we are worried about doing the right thing in order to prove our obedience to God, Jesus is far more concerned that we are in Him.

We have a tomato plant growing in our yard. Our ultimate goal is to have tomatoes, but ironically if we focus too much on them rather than the roots the plant will die and we won't have any tomatoes to enjoy. Jesus' use of fruit in this analogy makes more sense to me after experiencing this subtle, but life altering shift. Our focus is often on our accomplishments or our mistakes (our fruits) when ultimately our focus should be on who we are, which of course will result in fruit (either good or bad).

I recently changed my bio on my twitter page. I changed it to "Husband, Father, Son, Brother and Friend" I should also add "Follower of Jesus". I find it fascinating to listen to people who knew Mother Theresa talk about their experiences with her. They rarely say things like "She did so much to help those people". That would make sense, but most of them actually say things like "She had such a gentle, but commanding presence about her." "Love was always evident when she spoke". I was shocked at the little praise of her accomplishments and the awesome praise of her character.

I am trying to live my life like that. When I really stop to think about it, I would rather be remembered for my character than my accomplishments. I think that Jesus would agree. Rather than focusing on what Jesus did while walking the earth, I believe that He would like for us to know who He is. He is the Son of God, not just that dude that accomplished so many miraculous and sin defeating things. Following His example means giving up our obsession with achievement and truly seeking to be transformed from the inside. Peace.

Collision...

2011-07-03T22:33:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were at the dog park with our 7 month old puppy, Zero. He usually gets along with other dogs extremely well. He shows us a lot of love...unless another dog is around. Then he wants nothing more than to play with his new friend. He loves all other dogs. All other dogs, that is, except other male puppies his own age and size. For some reason he gets into what resembles turf wars with these puppies. Today was no exception. I literally had to pull him away from a black lab puppy. He was letting out these nasty snarls and growls. It honestly shocked me, because I had never seen him like that.

I realized that what was happening was the collision of two "wanna be alphas". Now, if an older male would have come around they would have both submitted without much of a fight. But, between themselves the snapping and growing continued until we grabbed Zero and left the dog park.

This story illustrates a point I have seen in other parts of my life. When two forces collide, it can be a scary and ugly thing to witness. I used to think that if I ever saw examples of God's Kingdom in this world that it would be evidently decorated with joy, love and probably singing choirs in the background. Ok, maybe not the choirs, but at least joy and love. I am not saying that these examples don't exist. I believe that they probably do. But, my experience of God's Kingdom is a different one.

Nicole and I moved to Denver in 2009. I had my eyes peeled for examples of God's Kingdom alive and well in my new home. I was looking for blatant examples of joy, peace and love saturating the air around the beautiful expression of this Kingdom. Honestly, after about a year I started to question whether I would ever actually see God's Kingdom. I mean, I saw joy, peace and love, but it was always accompanied by periods of pain, suffering and conflict. I told a lot of people that I believe I was witnessing the Kingdom of God at Joshua Station, but I didn't really believe that. It wasn't until I made an important and heart breaking realization that I would be able to mean it when I said those words.

In Matthew 13:24-30, Jesus tells the people a parable about wheat and weeds. A farmer plants wheat and then an enemy comes in the middle of the night and plants weeds. When the wheat started to grow, so did the weeds. The workers wanted to uproot the weeds, but the owner said 'no', because if they tried they might accidentally uproot the wheat as well. The weeds and the wheat must grow together until the harvest.

The wheat was symbolic of the Kingdom of God. The weeds were symbolic of an entirely different kingdom. A kingdom that cannot peacefully coexist with God's Kingdom. Jesus' parable makes it clear that this other kingdom was not going to be destroyed until the "harvest". This means that we live in a world filled with the tension of the two kingdoms. A tension comparable to that of Zero and his Black Lab nemesis. Wherever both kingdoms exist, collision and tension are inevitable.

This parable is heart breaking, but it helped me to realize something very important. I had been a witness to God's Kingdom at Joshua Station. It sometimes feels like I am standing between two territorial dogs in the middle of a turf war, but that is the reality of living in our world where God's Kingdom is not alone. We have the privilege of getting to know amazing and beautiful people. We get to see tremendous growth and healing take place in their lives. We also see folks experience failure. We see evil things happen to innocent people. We see people who really want to experience healing get worse rather than better.

I used to see the latter as signs that this wasn't actually God's Kingdom. I wish that my idea of God's Kingdom before I moved here would be the reality, but unfortunately the "harvest" has not yet come. The pain is not a sign of the non-existence of God's Kingdom. It is an example of the collision that takes place when two forces occupy the same space. There will always be a painful collision when darkness meets light. God's Kingdom will never stand idly by and allow the kingdom of the evil one to prevail and that goes the other way as well.

Witnessing the Kingdom of God in the real world can be a painful experience. Light is shining into some incredibly dark places. This never happens peacefully. I feel incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to live and now work at Joshua Station. I am more convinced than ever before that I am witness to God's Kingdom at work. Although, I still wish it could be more peaceful, I realize that the beauty of our salvation and healing will often rise out of the ashes of a painful battle. Peace.

Happy Father's Day...

2011-06-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. I am not sure how anyone who reads this blog feels about me viewing myself as a father. No offense, but I don't really care. As my Dad said to me this morning when I wished him a Happy Father's Day, "You are a father of 4".

Celebrating Father's Day has carried with it a wide range of emotion. Excitement and joy concerning the "bun" we have in the oven, but also sadness and frustration over the 3 beautiful children that I will not have the blessing of meeting for some time.

I just started reading a book called "One Foot In Eden" by J. Philip Newell. It is a book about the Celtic view of the stages of life. In the introduction to this book I read something that really helped me to walk deeper into the tension I am feeling today.

"'Death as Returns'...views death as the return

of all that is visible into the invisible realm of God.

It is the grace that can lead us home, to the end

but, also to the beginning and the heart of life".

I love Celtic language. I don't necessarily see many things in Celtic Christian Faith that directly contradict anything I've ever believed, but I believe that the Celtic traditions simply have a way with words. I felt like the introduction of this book took everything that I believe about God and life and turned it into beautiful words on a page. It was brilliant to read. I very much look forward to reading this book.

The tension today comes from 2 basic truths: 1. A few months ago, Nicole and I suffered the loss of our unborn triplets. And 2. In a few months, Nicole and I are expecting to deliver our first-born child.

It is hard to view God's grace as the same grace ushering our new baby into the world while also returning our triplets into God's 'invisible realm'. It is hard to understand and it is painful to think about, but it has given me a great sense of peace. Not in the sense that I don't feel the pain of my babies not being with us now. No, I still feel that pain very greatly. I mean in the sense that I believe that God is 'With Us' through all of this. His grace is the same grace that ushers our child into the world while also welcoming our triplets into His 'realm' with open arms.

I am not saying that I suddenly feel like I 'understand' what happened a few months ago. But, I do feel like God is walking with me through my shadows of pain, doubt and fear. That is what brings me comfort. That is what gives me the strength to mourn and be filled with excitement simultaneously. I miss my Three Musketeers, but I know they are waiting patiently for me to enter the same invisible realm that they now exist in. I miss them and can't wait to see them, but at the same time I can't wait to welcome our baby into the visible world in November. Several of you have experienced this so I don't have to tell you, but I am more excited than words can express.

So...after all of that rambling I leave you with this. Happy Father's Day. God be with us all through whatever emotions this holiday brings up. Peace.

Today

2011-06-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

With the rising of the sun and the setting of my dreams

I embark on this journey that I will call "today".

Looking past yesterday, but carefully stopping short of tomorrow

I will simply "be" in myself today.

Dreams may guide and lessons learned may bring wisdom,

But today brings life.

The Sound of Resilience

2011-05-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Joshua Station celebrates the High School Graduation of one of it's young men. This is something to be proud of for sure, but it must be accented how monumental this really is. I come from a community in rural Nebraska that celebrated High School graduations, but it was taken for granted. Everyone aimed at finishing High School. If you decided to go to college, you were the norm. If you decided not to, you were looked at with judgmental eyes. This is my experience, and I believe that most of the folks who read my blog would say that they come from a similar context.

This particular party is huge because it comes in the midst of a very different story. These kids are often raised with the values of hard work in a labor intensive job rather than hard work in education. Because of this, even graduating High School is often seen as unnecessary and a waste of valuable resources in terms of helping to provide for the family. This young man is the first in his family to graduate High School in the U.S. He has walked the very rough road of domestic violence, inner city stereotypes and the very broken immigration system. He has successfully navigated his adolescent life and now is preparing to celebrate the passage into higher education. Not only is he graduating High School, but he is also planning to attend college. Our kids at Joshua Station often come from contexts that aren't very encouraging to strive toward that goal, so it is incredible when you see it happen.

We are incredibly proud of this young man as well as the several others who are well on their way to follow in his footsteps. Some of these kids are easily right behind him while others have a rough road littered with incredible difficulties. They all have one thing in common. They are tremendously resilient in these ventures. So many of these kids would be written off in many people's eyes as "at risk youth" who, because of their traumatic experiences will never quite live up to the standards set by the larger society. It brings me great joy to watch these amazing individuals shatter that stereotype. Peace.

Reclining at our table...

2011-05-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

I am continuing my journey of reading the Gospels. I am on this journey in an attempt to push against the Evangelical norm of spending most of our lives reading Paul's letters and therefore seeing the Gospel through the eyes of doctrine...rather than the other way around.

My current adventure is the Gospel of Luke. I read a chapter a few days ago that I couldn't get out of my head. There was one particular part that really stuck with me. It's Luke 7:39.

"When the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself,

'If this man were a prophet, He would know who is touching Him

and what kind of woman she is--that she is a sinner.'"

It seems as if the Pharisee was giving Jesus a chance to prove Himself. He acknowledges the possibility that at one point, he thought it might be possible that Jesus was a prophet. But, this scene that unfolded before his eyes shattered any possibility of Jesus being anything more than a wannabe Rabbi who doesn't know the boundaries between Pious leader and sinner.

Jesus was invited over to this Pharisee's house. As they were eating, a woman who led a sinful life (probably a prostitute) came in to the house and interrupted the dinner by pouring perfume over Jesus' feet, wetting His feet with her tears and wiping His feet with her hair. The Pharisee, though not out loud, thought to himself, "Obviously Jesus isn't anything special. He is allowing this sinful woman to touch Him."

Then Jesus did the unthinkable. After telling a story, trying to explain His compassion for this woman, He tells her that her sins are forgiven. This is remarkably offensive for two reasons. First, Only God can forgive sins. And in this Pharisee's mind, Jesus is, at best, a Prophet. Second, the Pharisee's valued very highly their status of "un-sinful". Suddenly, if this woman, a filthy sinner, is so flippantly forgiven of her sins then they have lost their moral and ethical superiority over her. Jesus, probably walked out of this dinner with one friend; the woman who's hair smells of a mixture of perfume and foot.

This story is incredible to me for two reasons. It challenges us to see people as who they are rather than what they've done. That was the radical difference between Jesus and the Pharisees in this dinner story. They saw only her sinful actions, while Jesus saw her as His precious sister since she, just as much as anyone else in this story, was a child of God.

It also challenges us to accept the unbelievable fact that Jesus is willing to recline at our table regardless of how it makes Him look. This is incredibly profound. Our God does not refuse our company because of our sinfulness. He is willing to recline at the table with the man or woman who has committed adultery, whether physically or in their hearts. He is willing to recline at the table with the business person who impatiently walks by the people in need rather than stopping to see how they could help. He reclines at the table with prostitutes, drug dealers, gang bangers, thieves and murderers. He is willing to recline at our tables because He sees us as His brothers and sisters regardless of what we've done.

I know that this blog has the potential to be dismissed as cliche. But I challenge you to read that story a couple of times until it hits you the way it hit me. Peace.

The Bible Is Worthless...

2011-05-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

I know. Wow! Ben has gone off the deep end! Not quite. I would be lying if I said I couldn't think of a different title for this blog. It just amused me thinking about how many people would stop to read this silently hoping that I would say something completely ridiculous. I guess that you might come to that conclusion, but I do plan to expand on my title and I guarantee you won't be nearly as offended as you are right now :)

...when it doesn't lead us to Jesus. That is the second half of the title. I have been reading through the Gospel of John. Honestly, I don't think that I have read John in years. The reason: I usually get on these kicks about reading the Gospels and I always start with Matthew. Miraculously, I almost always end with Matthew too. I have read Matthew several times. This time I decided to change it up a bit and read John first. It has proven to be enlightening.

A few days ago I read John 5. In this chapter, Jesus heals a man on the Sabbath day. The religious elite are pretty upset about this and they confront Jesus. As is often the case, Jesus has some pretty harsh words reserved for these guys. But, in John 5:39-40, I saw something that I couldn't help but see myself in. Jesus says:

"You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in

them you possess eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify

about me, yet you refuse to come to Me to have life."

I don't know if you see yourself in the Religious leader's shoes, but I have to confess and say that I do. Several times in my life I have read Scripture, even studied it, and after this study I have been able to formulate some pretty good arguments for or against a certain philosophy or doctrine. Now, I am not saying that we shouldn't turn to Scripture to help us discern what is good and true in life, but I guess that if that is as far as it goes then it is worthless in the truest sense of the word.

These leaders saw several things in the Scriptures about how they should live their lives. Honestly, many of those things probably weren't half bad and are probably practiced yet today. But, Jesus calls them out on the fact that they see so many things in those Scriptures, but they are failing to see Him.

When I read the Bible, I often formulate arguments, but rarely do I see Jesus and formulate plans to follow Him. My mission statement (which I shared on this blog a few weeks ago) is all about building bridges. When I see Jesus in the Scriptures and follow Him, I tend to build bridges. Too often though, I see a philosophy or a doctrinal truth which too many times leads to tearing bridges down.

This all sounds pretty vague. I am honestly not sure that I did a great job at taking the thoughts in my head and putting them into this blog. For any failure in that department I apologize. I am definitely open to hearing any thoughts you have on the topic. Blessings.

Let's take an honest look...

2011-04-04T19:14:00.000-07:00

My dad has a saying. "Let's call a spade a spade." He says this when motives are sugar-coated and distorted rather than just being made clear. So, I will honor my dad by using his phrase at the beginning of my next paragraph.

Let's call a spade a spade! Immigration is on my mind today. Colorado is one vote away from passing a bill comparable to the Dream Act. This bill would offer hope to several young people I know. I am fully in support of that bill, because I believe that my faith requires me to love all people regardless of their legal status in this country. See, I just called a spade a spade.

Let's call another spade a spade. There are certain people who strongly oppose these types of bills. Many of these people are Christians. So...they often quote Scriptures that say "follow your governments laws"...or something similar. The angle? The Scripture makes it a "faith based" argument. The only problem with this angle is that it's not that easy! What if the law is unjust? Do we still follow it then? I mean, distributing Bibles in some countries is technically illegal...so...I guess that we should obey those laws too right? Or does the Bible mean that we should just obey United State's laws?

And what if those laws directly contradict Scripture? For example Exodus 22:21 - "Do not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt." Exodus 23:9 - "Do not oppress a foreigner; you yourselves know how it feels to be foreigners, because you were foreigners in Egypt." Leviticus 19:10 - Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God." Malachi 3:5 - "So I will come to put you on trial. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive the foreigners among you of justice, but do not fear Me," says the LORD Almighty."

So, let's call a spade a spade and say that these anti-immigration philosophies are grounded in something other than faith. They are grounded in politics. Economic fears, philosophical differences and worries about job availability...maybe, but not faith. This is not a blog aimed at arguing against your positions, but rather a blog to urge you to see your position for what it is. If you honestly believe that your views are faith-based, I strongly suggest that you read the verses I shared above, and the hundreds more that say something very different than anti-immigrant bills that have passed recently.

I wanted to leave you with a link to a story about a bill that was passed in Nebraska. Honestly, this story was a driving force behind this blog. Check out the story and keep the question in mind...Even though this bill made sense economically and politically, was it worth it? Peace.

Bridges...

2011-03-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

In staff meeting a few weeks ago we were led through an exercise in writing our personal mission statement. This is more than just a ministry goal. It is the mission statement of your life. So, I wanted to share what I came up with.

"My mission is to build bridges that unite economic classes, political parties, races and religions through the Love of God.

This journey includes living a life of balance. A balance of humility and confidence, gentleness and firmness, hospitality and self-care and using these balanced gifts to seek God and stand with the marginalized and oppressed as well as the privileged in pursuit of true unity within all of humanity."

I wanted to share that with you. If you haven't written your own personal mission statement I highly suggest it. It forces you to look deep into yourself and also evaluate whether you are actually taking progressive steps toward living into that mission. Peace.

Light Among Darkness...

2010-11-29T20:28:00.000-08:00

While I was in Nashville I had the pleasure of listening to Tony Campolo. He said something that I have not been able to get out of my head. Something that, though I believe it to be true, still rattled me. Tony said "God is not all-powerful...by choice. He does not reign in this world...yet. It is Satan, not God, who reigns over this world." These words hit me and I immediately wanted to react with skepticism, but I knew that he was right.

For the longest time I had a basic belief that I think many of us share. I believed that God reigned and that Satan was among a small rebellion of demons and anti-Christs who wanted to overthrow the King. Tony's words helped me to solidify my new ideas about how this world is actually working. I believe that it is Satan who is in control of this world and it is God who is a part of a small, but ever growing, rebellion to thwart Satan's plans for it.

In several places, like John 1:4-5, the Bible speaks of Jesus being a light among darkness. As Jesus' Body, we are meant to be the carriers of that light. The weird thing though, is that we all say we want the light, but I tend to believe that the light actually irritates us. I imagine that experiencing the light of Christ is somewhat like unknowingly looking directly at the kid at camp who thinks he's funny as he takes a picture of you in the pitch black. You will probably look back at that picture and laugh about what happened, but at that moment your only thought is "Don't do that! It's dark out here and that flash is too bright!" Think about it. We are absolutely saturated with the darkness of this world. So much so that much of what we consider to be the "Light" isn't all that bright at all. We are comfortable living within the darkness of greed. We try not to think about the fact that so much of what we "need" (in the form of electronics, stylish clothing, etc.) is un-ethically manufactured. Not only do we not want to think about it ourselves, but we often label anyone that speaks out against it a "radical"

thereby discrediting what they are saying. That example seemed to fit considering that we are coming upon one of the most consumeristic time of year (a very sad fact), but there are several other examples of the darkness we are so comfortable living in. Lust, envy, war, hatred, etc.

Like I said before, God is a part of a small rebellion. For some reason beyond my understanding He has chosen to use us to be the light among the darkness. The hard part is being able to recognize the darkness within ourselves. Many of us understand what it is to be light among the darkness as much as a fish understands what it means to take a deep breath above the water. This is where I feel that I am in my life. I feel that God is helping me to see my own darkness. He is doing this in order to recruit me for His small rebellion against Satan. He is recruiting me so that I might recognize the darkness and start to burn a candle in the midst of it.

The coolest thing about this little candle is that it can't be overcome. As John 1:5 says, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." Try as it might, the darkness in a room cannot extinguish the tiny light in the midst of it. No matter where you are in the room, you can see it. It might not be pleasant to you at first, but that's just because you have grown used to the darkness and you find comfort in it. We need to start being very uncomfortable with the darkness around us. We need to distance ourselves from it and start to burn a candle. No matter how tiny the flame, it will be noticeable within the darkness. Satan will quiver and God will be right beside us as we join in the small, but mighty rebellion against the darkness. Peace.

The Bottom Line...

2010-11-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am currently in Nashville, TN hanging out with my Dad at Youth Specialty's "National Youth Worker's Convention". It has truly been a great trip so far. I definitely miss my wife and can't wait to see her, but it is been a long time since I have gotten to spend this much time with my Dad. The convention has also been pretty rad. In fact, I have started pondering many things which has led me to this blog.

Tony Campolo, Nadia Bolz-Weber and a host of other pastors, speakers as well as family and friends have helped me come to a critical realization. We Christians need each other. I know this sort of sounds like a cliche, feel-good statement to make, but I sincerely mean it. And I didn't fully realize it until recently. I mean, I had hopes of unity, but I never fully grasped how crucial it really is to the people of this world.

I was having a conversation with a pastor a while ago and she was explaining to me how several churches in her denomination were splitting over the issue of the ordination of homosexuals. She mentioned that her church was for it, but several of her "sister churches" were adamantly against it which led to their decision to leave the denomination. She explained to me that several of her more "liberal" friends would say, "Good. Don't let the door hit your bigoted butts on the way out." But, she expressed how, even though she didn't agree with these other folks, she mourned the fact that her denomination was weaker without them.

I thought...wait a minute. Did you just say that your denomination is weaker without them? I mean, your difference in ideology would have certainly made for a permanent awkwardness between you that would have appeared to be division. Wouldn't that make you appear to be weaker? I realized something right there. This pastor honestly believed that without challenging opinions, without checks and balances the Church will simply surround themselves with people who agree and become more convinced of their own correctness while not worrying about even appearing to be unified with their "Brothers and Sisters".

Tony Campolo is such a unique person. He is an American Baptist man who doesn't tow anybody's party-line. He refuses to show disrespect to anyone no matter how much they disagree with him. He is conservative on the issue of homosexuality while his wife is liberal on the issue. They are still madly in love, rather than butting ideological heads. He is a social activist, a non-violent resistor, an environmentalist and a great friend and supporter to several conservative Christian leaders who look up to and respect him.

Simply hearing parts of Tony's story showed me what unity really looks like, what it takes to achieve unity and the importance of it in the Body of Christ. He talked passionately about the urgency of the Body of Christ actually being the Body of Christ. This really hit me and helped me to realize, as I've said already, that we all (no matter what side of any argument we fall on) need each other. If we have any hope whatsoever of collectively shining God's light in this broken world we absolutely need to stand together.

I concluded after several conversations with my Wife, my Dad and friends of mine that the pastor and Tony Campolo were both on to something beautiful. Something that I desperately wanted to be a part of. It is a movement of understanding. Not of me expecting you to understand my side, but of me striving to understand yours. This is immensely difficult, especially with pride as great as mine, but I am committed to giving this whole unity thing a shot and I encourage everyone reading this blog to do the same.

I know this blog might seem a bit cliche, but it's straight from the heart. Thanks for listening. Peace.

Racist or Racially Ignorant?

2010-11-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have been having several conversations with the teenagers who live with us at Joshua Station. Several of these wonderful teenagers are Mexican Americans who have lived through several struggles that I am learning about through every conversation.

Recently these conversations have turned toward how they see white people and how white people see them. Too often, these young people accuse the "white community" of being racist because of different things that are said about Mexican people and especially about undocumented immigrants.

I have also been a part of several conversations with friends of mine who are white who make the argument that minorities are more racist than whites are these days. They say this because of things they hear from the mouths of angry people speaking out against their perceived enemy...white America.

Through these conversations I have come to an important realization. The big problem is that all of these people that I've mentioned have used the word "racist", but the truth is that their frustration is against people saying dumb things...not always hateful things, but dumb things. White people have heard Blacks and Hispanics say dumb things that aren't true about white people. Blacks and Hispanics have heard white people say dumb things about them that aren't true. We are all so incredibly racially ignorant that it's embarrassing.

It's embarrassingly ignorant...but not racist. We need to be slow to label people of any race with such a hateful title. Most of these people that I have had conversations with would say "I'm not a racist...it's just that...". We all need to be better educated in each other's culture, but most of us are not racist.

So, what's the next step? I believe that what needs to happen is open conversation. The problem with so many of these "dumb remarks" is that they are made when the people saying them are not in the presence of the race they are commenting on. The point is not conversation, it's venting personal opinions that we have not proven. People of the other race involved then hear about what was said and respond to it in the same non-conversational manner. So, the next step...is confronting the ignorance with open conversations. Granted, those conversations have the potential to become very uncomfortable and even heated. But, I believe that a very real outcome would be a breaking down of these walls of racial ignorance. Peace.

It's all about the lens...

2010-10-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

Death and resurrection. This is the pattern set in motion by God that we see all around us. The seasons are marked by it. Trees appear dead during the winter and then resurrect beautifully in the spring. All throughout the animal kingdom we see the resurrection of life through the birth of the next generation. Even we humans are subject to this cycle...whether we like it or not.

Although it is easy to see the physical examples, I believe that this pattern is also critical on a deeper level. I believe that we as humans experience the cycle of death and resurrection on a deeply emotional and spiritual level. I think this is what Jesus talks about when He speaks of the need to be "born again". We must die to our former self and be resurrected differently. Sometimes this process can be painful and even annoying, but the result is always new life. Possibly the most amazing thing is that I believe the cycle is necessary over and over again. I don't think we will get past the need for resurrection until Jesus returns and we enter into the final "new life".

Seeing the world through this lens will dramatically change the way you do life. Nicole came home tonight from work expressing her frustration at how some of her co-workers engage the teens they work with. She is a Direct Care Counselor to teenagers who are a part of a program for homeless teens. Admittedly, several of them have wrap-sheets long enough to wall-paper our living room, but that doesn't stop Nicole from seeing these kids through the lens of death and resurrection. She doesn't see their mistakes as their final resting place. She believes whole-heartedly in the hope of resurrection through the pain of their current situation. Unfortunately, it seems that only a fraction of her co-workers see these kids through that same lens. Some of them engage the teens more like a drill sergeant than a counselor. Nicole beautifully offers these kids a firm, yet loving hand throughout their journey from death to new life.

Sometimes the resurrection seems to be constantly delayed. We can all think of that person (or several people) who you have prayed for, offered guidance to and sincerely loved only to find that they are stuck in their old ways with no intention of changing anytime soon. But, sometimes we encounter that person (or several people) who offer us a breath of fresh air and remind us that the cycle doesn't end with death. The picture below is a symbol of hope for Nicole and I.

This piece of art was created by a young man in our community. We've known for a long time that he was very artistically talented, but the doodles in his sketchbook and on his hands were the only displays of this talent. Nicole mentioned to him a while ago that he should combine the edge of his ink creations with the flow of a painting. He said no. It's too girly. He is a real man. He's hard. Hard men don't paint pictures. His mind was made up. He would not take up "art", he won't turn the other cheek in any situation, he won't put any effort into life that others see as "important".

Somewhere along the line he started to soften up a little bit. We've known him now for just about a year. During that time he's spent many evenings playing pitch with us, drinking tea with us, watching movies with us and talking about life with us. Honestly, we were amazed when we started to see him change ever so subtly. We started to see beyond the tough exterior into the heart of one of the most loving and genuine young men we'd ever had the pleasure of meeting. We honestly consider him to be a part of our family, like many others we have met here at Joshua Station. So, this ink painting hangs in our apartment as a sort of reminder of how resurrection has started to beautifully shine through the death in our friends life.

Looking back at my life I know that if my dad hadn't seen the hope of resurrection in my own death I would be a very different man today. The truth is that people like me, our friend...really all of us need others to view us through the lens of death and resurrection in order to guide us toward that cycle. The cycle that could at times be bumpy and painful, but is always worth it in the end. So, I have decided to be inspired by my Dad, Nicole and so many others who live their lives so passionately pursuing this type of leadership within their life and ministry. Thank God for helping us see the importance of looking ahead to the beauty of what could be rather than just being beat down by the desolation that looks us in the eye today. Peace.

Ummm...Hi Glen...

2010-08-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Nicole and I had the amazing opportunity to see The Swell Season in concert at the Folks Festival in Lyons, CO. We watched the movie "Once" for the first time about 3 years ago and fell in love with it immediately. We have watched it several times since then and it has become a staple on Valentine's Day. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it.

Nicole and I were getting chilly as we waited anxiously for 9:00pm to come. We loved that we would get to see The Swell Season under the stars, but we hated having to wait. I decided to walk back to the car in order to get our jackets. We found semi-close parking (about .5 mile). On my way out the car the unthinkable happened! I took a drink of water, closed my bottle and looked up only to find my biggest musical inspiration of the past 3 years talking to a couple about 20 feet ahead of me. I had about 30 seconds to prepare something cool to say to this musical genius.

I finally got my turn. The first sentence came out fluidly. "You have been so inspiring to me". Then Glen Hansard said "Brilliant" in his thick Irish accent. I remember thinking that I wish I could say stuff like "Brilliant" and sound cool. That's when it all went downhill and I regretted opening my mouth. I started to stutter uncontrollably as I tried explain to him that I wish my wife had walked with me to grab our jackets, because then she could have met him too. Then Glen said, "I'll meet her later then.", once again in his Irish accent. I remember thinking that he was only trying to be nice and that he didn't actually think he would meet my wife.

I really do wish I could go back and seem a bit cooler when I met Glen Hansard. But, it is what it is. It is worth mentioning that apparently Glen Hansard is a prophet, because he did get to meet my wife. She was walking near a tour bus trying to see who's it might be when she literally ran into him. She said, "Oh crap sorry", and he smiled at her and said "no worries". I'm not sure if she would go back and change that or not.

Aside from being embarrassed about sounding like a giddy 14 year old girl meeting the Jonas Brothers, the entire experience was remarkable. The Swell Season are truly an artistic inspiration to both Nicole and I and it was absolutely incredible to see them live. I have written 2 songs since the concert. This is huge, because I have been having a bit of a dry spell recently.

If you haven't seen "Once" watch it! If you haven't listened to the soundtrack to the movie or anything from The Swell Season find it and listen to it! I think you will find yourself wishing it could have been you that ran into Glen Hansard in Lyons, CO. Peace.

One Family...

2010-08-10T16:34:00.001-07:00

This morning at staff meeting we talked about Baptism. Father Scott, who never fails at being rad, facilitated a discussion that really touched me.

As my small group talked about Baptism I started to hear various experiences of how our Baptisms took place. Some of us were Baptized as infants, some later in life and some of us experienced both of those (like myself). This conversation can easily turn ugly. We could have started debating about which of those is the more "Biblical" experience and ended it with blows.

The coolest part was that it was nowhere near blows. We all recognized our Baptism, however that took place, as the point that we became a part of the family. The completely mixed, messy and beautiful Family of God. Though many of us experienced the initiation of Baptism differently, we all recognized it as an important moment in our journey. The journey that every one of us in that room (and around the world) is on together. This time was a beautiful display of what one Body of Christ could look like. Thanks again Mile High Ministries for making it a point have those experiences. Peace.

Happy Sunday

2010-08-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am sitting on the love seat listening to The Frames on Pandora. I haven't blogged in a while and I kind of like that. I don't necessarily enjoy the person I become when I feel the need to blog a lot. But today, I want to blog.

We went to a new church tonight. The House For All Sinners and Saints. It is a Lutheran community located on 10th and Bannock. Thoughts are still unclear, but I enjoyed my first experience there. Whether this will become our next home is unclear, but it's nice to be on the hunt.

Now the Swell Season is playing and I can't help, but feel complete excitement for Saturday! Nicole and I are going on a one night camping trip to Lyons for the Lyons Folk Festival. The Swell Season are among the musical performances and I could not be more excited to see them. They are perhaps one of my favorite bands and always seem to take me to a spiritually aware state. That might seem weird, but I love it. Music has amazing power.

That is all for now. Sorry, no political or religious rant. I know you're all very disappointed, but who knows, that may come soon enough. Peace.

'Necessary Evil' or 'A Beautiful Communion'?

2010-05-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Father Scott handed out a pamphlet that he wanted everyone at the staff meeting to read. The pamphlet was a writing by Henri Nouwen called "The Spirituality of Fund Raising". This reading, along with A book by Robert Lupton called "Compassion, Justice and the Christian Life", has changed the way I look at the 'necessary evil' that is asking for money from other people.

It is more blessed to give than to receive. At least that's what I hear. Giving is definitely a blessing in itself. It can certainly change your life, but I am discovering the blessing that is receiving. I think that, although the blessedness of giving is very real, receiving a gift is a very humbling thing. Realizing my own need for a gift is even more humbling. I guess this is step one of learning how to effectively survive in a career that so heavily depends on fund-raising.

Where there is a 'step one' there must be a 'step two'. The second step is allowing myself to see fund-raising as a mutually beneficial exercise. Fund-raising has seemed like a 'necessary evil', because I have only seen the need/fulfillment flowing in one direction; from those who have money to spare to we who need money. This second step has opened my eyes to the possible need that exists within those who we approach about supporting us. Maybe, rather than money, they need to be a part of something outside of themselves; something that they can passionately support outside of their immediate community. Maybe when they choose to support Nicole and I they feel a need being met just as much as we do.

Therein lies the 'communion' that Henri Nouwen talks about in his writing. If you choose to support us you are helping us meet a financial need. But, we also have the opportunity to invite you into our lives. We have the opportunity to meet your need to be connected to more distant parts of the Body of Christ. We, together, can form a communion that mutually fulfills the needs of the Kingdom.

Obviously you don't have to give us money in order to be invited into our story. Consider this an open invitation. Ask questions if you have any. Come visit us if you are in the area. Call, text, facebook or email us occasionally to see how things are going and how you can support us in a variety of ways, like praying for specific things that are heavy on our hearts. And of course, you are welcome to consider becoming a financial partner in our ministry. All of these things would bless us immensely. This way we can all experience the blessedness of giving and the humility that comes with receiving (which of course is a blessing as well).

Always low prices...Always...

2010-05-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tonight Nicole and I were invited, at the last minute, to a dinner by one of our neighbors. Several teens shared about their summer plans and I listened for the most part, but something caught my eye. It was what appeared to be Ben Stiller hosting a large event in a basketball arena filled with thousands of people screaming for their favorite band. Oh wait, not a band. It was the CEO of Wal-Mart putting on a huge event for Wal-Mart shareholders. I had stumbled upon MSNBC's story about Wal-Mart. I am honestly not sure what they said (remember, I was listening to summer plans), but my mind did start going to town. I started contemplating Wal-Mart and why I don't shop there anymore. I guess that I feel compelled to share those reasons with you. Haha...you read this far you might as well finish :) - My own smiley face...not Wal-Marts.

Reason #1

When confronted with the prospect that sweatshops are supplying Wal-Mart with much of it's merchandise the company responds with this:

"First, our supplier agreements will be modified so that

it is clear that any factory used by a supplier complies

with all of the laws of the jurisdiction in which it operates,

specifically including laws related to environmental

protection, worker safety, and labor conditions."

Before I get into this statement I do want to acknowledge that Wal-Mart has made significant strides in it's ethics. To read the entire document this was pulled from click *here* and follow the first link in the list entitled "Standards for Suppliers Manual".

Although Wal-Mart has made significant strides, they still have a long way to go. The reason I pulled that specific quote from the manual is that I believe it to be a clever loophole designed to make us feel better about shopping at Wal-Mart. The beauty of outsourcing to developing countries is that the cost is substantially less than it is to buy from the U.S. The local laws in these countries are partially to blame for this. Many developing countries don't have the level of worker protection that we have in the U.S. I do commend Wal-Mart for taking a stand against worker abuse as much as they have, but they need to recognize that a factory can very easily follow the "law of it's jurisdiction" and still be an ethical nightmare. I am not so easily persuaded to believe that they have fully decided to put the betterment of humanity in a higher place than the almighty $$$$$$.

Reason #2

I had a roommate back in college who told me a story one night about how much he hates Wal-Mart. This being before I decided that I wasn't a fan, I asked why. He said that his dad worked for a factory that supplied Wal-Mart with many popular camping accessories. Not long before we had this conversation several people at his dad's factory were let go from the production line because the company was outsourcing it's labor. He explained to me that Wal-Mart had a contract with this company and insisted on lowering the prices of those accessories to a point that those factories had to close, because they couldn't afford to pay a fair wage to the American workers anymore. Needing to pay an unfair wage, the company looked to developing nations to fill the gaps.

Wal-Mart is the American store, and yet it is single handedly putting thousands of American's who formerly had secure factory jobs out of work. Ironic isn't it? What kills me is that I've spoken to several people who will die before they slander Wal-Mart and yet they complain that the American job market is tanking. They choose to blame Bush or Obama rather than seeing that companies like Wal-Mart are largely to blame.

The worst part is that few people are willing to sacrifice a little to change these things. I am not leaving myself off of this list. We all WANT to pay less. We see an article of clothing that is rather expensive and our immediate thought is "I can get it cheaper at _________". Wal-Mart often fills that blank. The truth is that Wal-Mart will never actually change these things until they see that their profit will tank if they don't. The question is do we care enough to let them know that it will?

I know that I am only 1, but I refuse to go back to Wal-Mart until I am convinced that the ethical nightmares are over. I also refuse to support a company that in no way supports the workers of other American companies. I might be a ranting idealist, but I must stand against what I believe to be an inhumane power within this world.

Art

2010-04-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

Shane Claiborne’s writings have inspired me in many ways. I am convinced that they have played a part in my wife and I choosing the life path that we have. One of my favorite things that he says in those writings is that the Church has lost the art of disagreeing well. He argues that in order to truly pursue becoming the Body of Christ, we must relearn it. ( Click here to visit the website of his community "The Simple Way")

I must also admit that Shane Claiborne’s writings have a very painful effect on me. They make me become self-aware about many of my own faults. Over the past few weeks I have engaged in several conversations about immigration. Many of those conversations were fruitful and I am happy they happened. Others were not quite so fruitful and I noticed something happening that I want to confess and repent of. I noticed that I was losing respect for people around me based on nothing more than a difference in opinion. I realized that I needed desperately to re-learn the art of disagreeing well.

The trouble is understanding what “disagreeing well” means. I’m not sure I know, but I want to share some of my thoughts about this with you. I guess that a good place to start is to recognize what “disagreeing well” is not. It is not giving up on something you believe in for the sake of “keeping the peace”. It is not withholding challenging thoughts from those who disagree with you for the sake of avoiding an argument. It is not attacking the character, intelligence, faithfulness to Christ, etc. of the person who disagrees with you. It is not taking on the attitude of a lawyer by defending your position rather than hearing all sides and making an informed decision.

Some things I will try… I will resist the temptation to lose respect for people who disagree with me, but rather I will do my best to maintain a mutual respect for the person I am in a discussion with. I will do a better job of recognizing the proverbial “dead horse” and stop beating it much sooner in an effort to resist getting into dead end conversations that will only go round and round to no fruitful end. I will do my best to actually consider the argument of those who disagree with me in an effort to be as informed as possible.

I am not naïve. I know that I will fail at these things from time to time. I want to apologize to anyone I have offended over the past few weeks. Please know that I do respect you and have enjoyed most of the conversations we’ve had. I think it is also important to point out that my context causes me to be emotionally attached to the issue of immigration. Now many people might see this as a weakness, but I see it as a much needed strength that is mostly missing from the discussion.

Now, please join me in seeking what it means to "disagree well" in the midst of our discussions.

We are at war...

2010-04-26T16:21:00.000-07:00

Open your eyes - we are at war.

Those were the words I found at the end of a very malicious comment on my facebook wall. The comment was given under a link to a blog post by Jim Wallace about a new bill currently being passed in Arizona. I will not go into the specifics of this bill in this blog, but feel free to follow that link and read Jim's post. He says everything I want to say and much better than I could.

I felt many emotions when I read that comment. Mostly though, I felt sadness. I felt sadness that people could speak with such hatred about other people...and use the Bible to back it up! If I were not a Christian and I read comments like this one I would run from Jesus assuming that He had no compassion for people who weren't white and middle class.

I could go so many directions with this blog, but I have narrowed my thoughts down to one big one. Mexican Immigrants are Human Beings! The issue of immigration from Mexico raises plenty of emotions in people from all sides of the argument. I think that while we debate these "policies" we need to ask ourselves a few questions in order to determine whether or not we have looked at this issue from all sides.

1. Do I know anyone who has immigrated to the U.S. from Mexico illegally?

2. Can I understand the struggles that they faced in Mexico?

3. Can I understand the reason that they "broke the law" and immigrated illegally?

4. Would I have done the same thing if I were in their situation?

5. As a Christian, what role do I play in the lives of undocumented immigrants?

I have asked myself these questions. I have answered "yes" to the first 4 which led me to my answer to number 5. As a Christian, my role is to love all people regardless of who they are. I am a Christian first, not American first. I will not follow a law at the expense of loving my neighbor. When I began to ask myself these questions something remarkable happened. Suddenly immigration wasn't only about policy. Immigration was now about people, most of them peaceful and honest, who have chosen to come to the U.S. in search of a better life for themselves and their children.

I am friends with several Mexican immigrants. Some of them are documented and some aren't. This comment on my facebook wall was trying to convince me that I was at war with my friends. It was trying to convince me that rather than loving my neighbor, as Jesus commanded, that I needed to seek national interest and "wage war" on those who threatened to become a nuisance. I refuse to give in to fear, greed, comfort and security at the expense of those south of our border. I refuse to stop loving them the same as I love everybody else. I refuse to check their papers before I offer them food, water and a place to stay.

After sorting through my array of emotions I have settled on compassion. I feel compassion for this man who has somehow married hate-filled language with his faith in Christ. I can only pray that someday he will come around to being able to love all people, regardless of citizenship status.

The Question of Faith and Government...

2010-04-13T21:42:00.001-07:00

During Lent I saw lots of debating through blogs and television shows about issues involving Christians and government. Most of them involving Glenn Beck and Jim Wallace. These debates got me thinking about Government and the Church. I have a couple of thoughts that I want to share.

In the U.S. Christians seem all too excited about trying to find the "holy party" within government. Historically speaking this doesn't make a lot of sense. The Church started out being a thorn in the side of nearly every government it came into contact with. Social equality was never favored during those days so when Christians tried to breakdown some of those barriers it bothered the leaders of the state. If barriers between Jew and Greek, men and women or slaves and free men were to be taken down then those governments would have lost some of their power over the people. They relied upon social structures because their power came through society as a whole believing that they were at the top of that structure. If the structure doesn't exist then suddenly Caesar was just another man rather than the Son of God (interesting fact about the Gospel writer's choice of words in regard to Jesus).

The Church spent nearly 4 centuries being persecuted by the local government. They would be forced to either renounce their faith or surrender the right to buy and sell food, property or goods. Some persecutions even ended in the torture and death of Jews and Christians. Nero's persecution was among the most brutal with stories of public entertainment being Christians and Jews being forced to fight wild animals and Gladiators while more Christians and Jews were set ablaze and hung from poles for illumination of the games at night.

It wasn't until Constantine's reign in the 4th century that the Church and the local government became buddies. With the signing of the Edict of Milan in AD 313 Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire. While many folks see this as a victory for the Church, others (including myself) feel that this was a dark day in her history. It was through this Edict that a channel was born to give the Church opportunity to have power within the state, power that she had no business pursuing. Once this power was obtained the world saw such brutality by the hands of the Church. The persecuted had become the persecutor.

When I think about our relationship to our government I feel a great importance in remembering the Church's history. As a persecuted body finding no favor with the local government the Church thrived and found herself furthering the Good News of Jesus Christ to the poor and marginalized. Once the Church gained governmental influence she started prostituting herself out to the rich and influential. Within the context of the history of our Church, I think it is fair to say that many of us are still seeking that governmental influence. If we are honest with ourselves I think we could also say that we often prostitute ourselves out to the rich and powerful in hopes to further our own agenda as Christians in the U.S. I often see debates about Christian stances on policy, but I don't often see Christians simply furthering the Good News of Jesus Christ to the poor and marginalized.

I don't necessarily know which party has the most "holy" stances. The truth is I think both fall way short of any standard the Church should set. The entire goal of a government is to do what is best for it's people. How can we, as a part of the Body of Christ which knows no nationality, border, race, ethnicity or political affiliation, think that we can fully align with any branch of government. We are not to look out for what is best for American Citizens. We are to spread that Good News to the entire world. Too often we end up stepping on the toes of those in underdeveloped countries in an effort to do what is best for our own people. We also often seek what is best for the majority of the U.S. at the expense of the homeless, immigrants and most families who find themselves below the poverty line.

My suggestion is that we end the debates and start acting like the Church. It is obvious that we have neglected those whom Jesus had the most compassion on. Let's stop trying to buddy up to our government (both Republicans and Democrats) and just start furthering the Good News to the poor and marginalized.

Easter 2 of 2

2010-04-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

The Easter story is one of death and resurrection. The question of why Jesus had to die has often crossed my mind. I am not confident that my observations in this blog will in any way answer that question, but I believe that there is a definite link to the Easter story and the pattern that God had set forth for all Creation.

Death and resurrection is a theme that permeates this world. A seed must die for the flower to grow, Without death the soil would be useless, the fullness of a forest becomes breathtaking after it resurrects in the years following a fire, etc...

Once again, I'm not suggesting that this is why Jesus had to die rather than just saying "Your sins are all forgiven" and leaving it at that, but it is interesting that this pattern of death and resurrection which we see all around us everyday is the pattern that God used to bring Salvation to our world.

The part of this pattern that seems to elude us is our own death and resurrection. Jesus speaks of being "born again" and Paul speaks of "dying with Christ", but what does that all mean for us? The truth is that Easter is a reminder to me that I, as a follower of Christ, must also take part in his story and must experience death and resurrection. Eventually I will experience this physically, but I believe that we are to die to ourselves in order to be resurrected as one who has been redeemed. This looks different for everyone, but for me this means allowing my self-interest to die for the sake of becoming completely aware of God's heart for Humanity and Creation as a whole.

The coolest thing is that I've seen many examples of resurrection. Just like Jesus' story, ours does not end with death. God's desire is not for a bunch of people to be miserable because they are dying to themselves. God's desire is for that dying to bring forth resurrection. All around me I see people being resurrected from addiction, self-absorption, depression, poverty, abuse, etc.

Easter has made me ponder this pattern of death and resurrection. I see it all around me and I hear the call for me to experience it too. In the light of Easter and considering this pattern I have read certain portions of Scripture with new eyes. I want to leave you with one of them. Feel free to comment thoughts or to simply meditate on what this means for you.

Romans 6:5-7

"For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection. Knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin."

Easter 1 of 2

2010-04-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

As promised, I am blogging on Easter. I know that you are probably thanking God that I didn't forget! I was inspired by a conversation I had with Nicole early today to really think about Easter and what it means to me. I think that the result of this conversation is two blog posts.

There are a couple of things that I really want to share about Easter. This blog will contain the first topic: The Validation of Jesus.

We know that Jesus did some really radical things in front of His disciples. He healed the sick, walked on water, raised a couple of people from the dead, somehow fed thousands of people with a young man's lunch, etc. Yet somehow these things weren't enough to completely convince the disciples that Jesus was legit. I think that they wanted to believe it, but their actions immediately following Jesus' crucification paint the truest picture of their state of belief.

Despite the three years that the disciples spent walking alongside Jesus, they still went back to their previous lives after Jesus died. If you really stop and think about it, that's pretty pathetic. They were prepared to abandon Jesus' teachings within three days of His death! But, then something amazing happened. If I were Jesus I would have given up on that bunch when I realized they were fishing again, but of course I'm not Jesus.

Rather than saying "You guys are ridiculous", Jesus appears to them and gives them the validation they need to really buy into His life and teachings. He even went as far as letting them touch his wounds to prove to them that He's really there and that He really conquered death.

If it weren't for the resurrection the disciples might have lived their lives telling the story of Jesus similarly to the way that our grandparents tell their college party stories. "We had a great time with Jesus while He was around..." But being inspired by the miracle of His resurrection, the disciples gave up everything to pursue this Gospel that Jesus spoke of and spread it throughout the known world! Incredible.

One of the reasons that I celebrate Easter is because had Jesus' story ended with death He wouldn't have been anything more than a myth. But His story didn't end with death. In fact His story continues today through His Body. Thank God for resurrection! The resurrection of Jesus, humanity and the entire Creation! Resurrection is what validated Jesus' message to His disciples and resurrection is what validates Jesus' message today.

To be continued...

Next up: The pattern of Creation and Easter.

Lent

2010-02-16T08:45:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I've been trying to decide what I wanted to give up for Lent. The conclusion that I came to was that I needed to give up blogging for a season. I am excited to see what will come of this semi-odd choice. So until Easter...

Not Knowing...

2010-01-31T22:46:00.000-08:00

I have been so quick to point the finger at others who intentionally ignore portions of Scripture and emphasize others to back their own point of view. I want to stop this finger-pointing mainly because I have seen myself do that very thing far too many times to count.

My hang up with certain portions of Scripture is the fact that at times God seems to contradict Himself. I have a desire to simply read the Bible, learn it and teach it to others as an authority on the material that I have just read. I have accomplished that goal largely by overlooking the contradictions that I have seen and focusing on the aspects of God that are clear to me and that make sense according to my theology.

I just finished reading a portion of the letter to the Romans that challenges my thought about God's relationship to His people and how He wants only good things for them. At that moment I almost feel like I have to choose between 1.) acknowledging the contradiction and leaving my faith because I can't rationalize it or 2.) simply overlooking it and searching desperately for the first verse that re-enforces my own perception of who God is.

I have been challenged with a third option. I guess that, as much as I want to be able to understand everything in Scripture, if God is real then I won't ever be able to completely figure Him out. Because of this, when I encounter those seemingly un-reconcilable verses that challenge me I neither have to stumble on them nor ignore them. Maybe I simply have to acknowledge the tension, embrace the confusion and seek God's presence rather than understanding. This makes me feel weak, of course, because I am completely at the mercy of God, whom I have already admitted I don't understand. But, I have learned that this feeling of weakness is incredibly essential within my journey with Jesus.

All of this is simply a portion of my Struggle to live within the present. The problem is that the present is often full of struggle, tension and discomfort. It is so tempting to ignore those feelings and dream of future relief, but that simply numbs me to the truth of the moment. Derek Webb wrote a song that beautifully depicts this struggle called "medication". Check it out. No matter how much it hurts, I really want to live in the present. It will definitely take discipline on my part, but I want it desperately.

Who am I?

2010-01-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

The journey of self-discovery is one that I have been on for a while. The past year though, has been filled with mile markers along that journey.

Nicole and I have lived at Joshua Station now for about 7 months. I fully expected to walk into this place ready to pour myself out for those who are less-fortunate than I am. I was ready to give, because they were poor and I wasn't. When I read this last sentence I can barely keep myself from laughing at the assumptions I made about this experience.

The truth is that from nearly the first day of living at Joshua Station I have been forced to do something tremendously harder than giving to someone in need. I had to come to grips with the fact that I was in need just as much as my neighbors. I am a broken man born into a broken world and for a while I almost had myself convinced that I had my life mostly together. Living among folks in hard places can be very enlightening and it has been for me. Some pieces of my childhood consist of less than pleasant memories and I thought that when I became a Christian I could just forget about all of that and move forward. To a certain extent I think that's healthy, but my neighbors have taught me that all of my experiences, good and bad, have made me who I am today. So denying any of them is like denying who I really am.

This self-realization changed my perspective on what my role should be at Joshua Station. I am not here to help people, because I am better off than they are. I am here to walk with folks who have seen some hard things and I am also here to allow them to walk with me through my own pain and brokenness. I used to think that allowing others to see my weakness was not good "ministry", but after experiencing what I have I believe that there is none better.

So, I guess that what I am saying is that if I am going to truly pour myself out for my neighbors I have to know who I am first. I have to know what I'm pouring out. And, they have to know who I am as well. This could be the hardest thing that I've learned over the past year. The closest relationships that I have are those which are not only bonded by pleasant similarities, but also painful ones. It's not "weakness" to allow others to see your brokenness, it's authenticity.

I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. I guess you could call it a New Year's Resolution. I have promised myself that I am going to confront my own brokenness and be honest about it with my friends. I am doing this mainly because it has kept my friends at arms length. My friendships have suffered because of it. Most of my friends don't really know who I really am, because I find myself covering up the awkward, broken pieces rather than owning them. I am Ben Edwards, and even though that is 99% the coolest thing ever, I often wish

that I could supplement certain qualities into myself to make me less ashamed to be that man.

Bear with me friends, this is quite the journey.

Fearful ignorance that leads to passionate hatred.

2010-01-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading a book called "Three Cups of Tea" by an amazing man named Greg Mortenson. This book was probably the longest book that I've ever read at a staggering 350 pages (give or take). I know that seems like small cookies to some of you, but to me it's pretty impressive.

This book has helped to open my eyes to the danger of fear based rhetoric that seems to surround us these days. Mortenson's book focuses heavily on the rhetoric that leads to an irrational fear of all Muslims. Simply because a very small percentage of Muslims are violent and extremist, many of us are in favor of racially profiling every Middle Eastern man walking through an airport with a turban. Of course we conveniently ignore the very small percentage of white Americans that wear white hoods and burn crosses while shouting words like "nigger" and "spick". We would laugh at the suggestion that all white men should be feared because of these lunatics and yet that is exactly what is being done to Muslims in the eyes of Americans who buy into the fear based rhetoric Mortenson addresses.

There is also fear based rhetoric coming from folks who believe that undocumented immigrants in our nation pose a gigantic threat to our future. We who buy into this rhetoric have such great animosity toward Hispanics that we would rather crack ignorant jokes about them than dare to venture into their world and become a part of their lives.

Nicole and I live in a community that is overwhelmingly Hispanic, many of whom have been trying to jump through the near-impossible hoops on their way to citizenship for up to 15 years. When certain politicians and fearful Americans look at these folks they might see a potential leech on their fragile economy, but I see a beautiful mother trying desperately to take care of her 4 children in a country that refuses to make it any easier on her.

I am sorry for jumping straight into two very controversial topics in this blog, but they both lead into a thought that has been dying to get out. It is so easy for us to allow our fear to put labels on people to the point that they aren't even people to us anymore.

We no longer see a religiously devout husband and father who is simply wanting to visit his relatives in Detroit, we see a potential terrorist. We no longer see a mother who wants to give the world to her kids so they will never have to suffer the way that she did, we see an undocumented immigrant.

The word for this is dehumanization. It is exactly what Scripture commands us not to do and yet somehow Scripture is often used to support it. Everybody has a story. Everybody's story contributes to the larger story of the world we live in. I pray that Christians across the world will finally wake up and realize that people can never be reduced to labels in God's Kingdom. Even those we fear the most are made in the Image of God. What they might do to us doesn't change that. We are called to love all people and yet to protect ourselves from a few we have neglected to love many.

There are so many more things that we are told to be afraid of and therefore take reasonable precautions to guard ourselves against. I would challenge everyone who reads this blog to consider the stories of the people you are being told to fear. You just might be surprised at what you find behind the labels.

Jack Daniels...

2009-12-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

His name is Jack Daniels, but most of his friends call him "one eyed Jack". This is because he lost his left eye. Not sure how this happened, but he was more than happy to show us the empty socket where it used to be.

I was going to blog about how frustrating it was to hear the stories of police harassment that these beautiful people had to endure day in and day out simply because they are homeless. Although that blog might be coming in the near future, this one is quite different. I wanted to focus on something that the gentle woman to Jacks left said.

"We are all one big family down here"

For a few months now Nicole and I had noticed that every time we passed 6th & Speer we would see someone holding a sign that said "HELPIFCAN". Just like that too. The crazy thing is that it was almost never the same person twice. We came to the conclusion that it was either continuously being stolen by homeless people who were rivaling over that spot...or...it was being shared by all these people. The awesome truth that we encountered today was that the second was true.

I don't have much more to share than this, but I have been truly inspired by a mysterious community of homeless men and women who live under the bridge behind Burger King on 6th & Speer. I really hope that I can have more to share in the future.

Celebration of good people...

2009-11-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

I realized recently that most of my blogs are inspired by things that irritate me. Because of this, most of my blogs have a semi-negative feeling to them. I am going to push against this by blogging about a few people that inspire me to live life everyday and show me a glimmer of light in this dark world. (There I go being negative again...this is a problem).

Nicole:
It might seem a bit cliche to start with my wife, but it feels natural so here we are. Nic, aside from being a loving wife, is a huge inspiration and challenge to me when I see her interact with the people surrounding her. I am especially inspired by the amount of patience and love she has for our neighbor kids. They are incredibly cool, but can definitely be a handful and I have yet to see Nic lose her temper. The kids are over all the time and I would be very naive to believe that her love for them wasn't a huge reason for it. Also, nobody encourages me as much as she does. Whether it is my speaking, music, writing or trying to be a good mentor to a few kids, Nic has always shown nothing short of full support of my passions. Watching her reminds me that love is still alive in this world.

Dad:
I was a very confused, immature and incredibly annoying 15 year old kid when I met my dad. He's not my biological father, though I wish he was. That would just seal the deal even further. For some reason that I can't really wrap my mind around, he decided to take me under his wing and usher me into manhood. For this I am eternally grateful and proud of my ties to this youth pastor turned pops. Today, he continues to inspire me by being a youth pastor in a Baptist church in Nebraska. In a place that could easily be left behind in the conversation about what it means to be incarnational to the world around us, my dad has dedicated his life to being a seed of transformation (and has experienced it himself) to this community he has grown to love. His love for my brothers is also inspirational. I am reminded when I look at him, that it is possible to a great dad and an incredible friend simultaneously.

Da Smith's:
It was my senior year when the Smith's moved into town. They bought the big house directly across the street from campus. He was a professor who specialized in Greek and New Testament studies while she was a chaplain who was in the process of revolutionizing the chaplains program while simultaneously empowering the women across campus. Both of them are totally invested in the lives of the students they SERVE (and I really mean to use this word intentionally) and have completely inspired me to do the same. I have benefited greatly from their friendship and hope to continue learning from them as the years continue to fly by.

Mommy:
I was a "momma's boy" until I was in highschool. I am proud of this fact. My mom, like many of us, has made some mistakes in her life. Some of those mistakes have effected my siblings and I in a negative way. But, my mom is possibly the strongest person I know and I have never questioned her love for me. She grew up in Germany being moved from foster home to foster home until finally moving in with the couple that I consider my grandparents on her side. This only lasted for about 2 years until she moved out to try life as an independent adult. She was abandoned by her parents who, later in life, still wanted nothing to do with her. Knowing what I know about her, she should have continued the pattern of abandonment and left us for dead in some field while she continued life alone. Although, she made her mistakes, my mother has loved us harder than most people would believe. Through thick and thin she has proudly called me her son. She has inspired me to love people with the kind of love that cannot be broken by hard circumstances. Her thick German accent is still a comfort to me when we talk. She is more involved in my life now then I can ever remember and I love the feeling that gives me.

The problem with doing stuff like this is that some people will read this and think "where's my section in Ben's sappy blog". The truth is that this is far from comprehensive. In fact, it's just the tip of the ice berg, but hey, you have to start somewhere right? So, my encouragement to you is to look around and intentionally find those who inspire you to live and love like nobody else ever has.

Pro Life and Proud...

2009-11-15T09:19:00.001-08:00

Nicole and I are in the process of becoming members of a Christian alternative to health insurance. After much prayer and debate we decided that we were going to stick with the original plan of becoming members, but only under the stipulation that we are honest with them about what is bothering us.

When I first applyed to this group I was greeted with the assurance that none of my money would go to fund abortion clinics or any pro-choice propoganda. Although I wasn't really impressed, this isn't what bothers me. What really burned my britches was the details of coverage we got in the latest packet that was sent to us. This packet made it clear that you had to adhere to Christian principles in order to qualify for the sharing of medical financial burdens within the group. One of the main things mentioned was that if you had a child out of wed-lock the medical expenses for the pregnancy were NOT eligible for sharing under these guidelines.

Now we have gotten to the point that urks me most. This group does in no way support abortion, but yet when faced with the number one reason abortions happen (unexpected pregnancy by an unmarried woman), they wash their hands of any responsibility. Basically they are saying, "You can't have an abortion, but we won't help you so you can avoid it." This little detail nearly made us cancel our membership, but we came to an extremely depressing conclusion: No matter where we go for health coverage we are going to have to deal with some sort of corruption.

This was mainly meant to be a venting session, but I am definitely willing to hear what you think about the policy of this group, or our response to it.

A Common Brokenness...

2009-11-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

I am reading a book written by a friend of mine. His name is Josh Riebock and his book is called "My Generation". Reading this book has sparked some thoughts that I have had before but have buried beneath layers of thought. The resurfacing of this thought prompted me to blog...so here I go!

Shane Claiborne says, in his book "Becoming the Answer to our Prayers", that we as humans tend to gather around a common self-righteousness or a common brokenness. Honestly, I feel the desire for both in my life. I feel the desire to band together with those of us who are "emptying ourselves" for those stuck in hard places, leaving in the dust the "unfaithful" who haven't done exactly what I've done. This usually lasts for all of about 5 minutes until I have a conversation with either my wife or my dad, both of whom bring me back to reality and point out my arrogance. Thank God for people who are willing to say the hard things that we sometimes need to hear.

More often I feel a desire to band together with others who, like me, are a mess. This has the potential to sound like I am a self-loather who thinks that I am so much worse than all other people. Really though, I believe that we are all messed up in our own way.

This kind of coming together is incredibly uncomfortable, painful, awkward and necessary. The truth is that when I recognize my messiness I am the most real with myself and those around me. I am the most authentic and the most willing to truly be in relationship with others. When I recognize my own messiness I suddenly stop worrying so much about the theological beliefs of the one I am confiding in. Calvinist, Armenian, Methodist, Baptist, Non-Denominational, Not a believer. In an instant I realize the trivial nature of the arguments I've had with these people and the need for unity at this level. The level of raw honesty. The level of "we are all human, broken, messy, etc.".

It is only at this messy, broken, raw level of honesty that true unity is possible. The most comfortable thing for me is to put on a mask that says "I am a good man who is completely o.k.". If this is what you know of me, I'm sorry for not being real with you. I am making a commitment to be honest about my weakness and to seek true unity trough that honesty.

Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam

2009-10-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

A co-worker and I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago while we were re-painting the store. I mentioned that I majored in Youth Ministry and minored in Religion/Philosophy when I was in college. He asked if I was “religious” or even interested in different religions. After he discovered that I was in fact “religious”, he gave me a book to read. This book is called “The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam”. For those of you who know my wife, you can only imagine how much she enjoys the book. Even though I would not say that I have a huge passion for the Islamic community like my wife, I would say that I have a heart for people who are misunderstood and marginalized by their society. Because of my heart for such people, this book truly offends me. I believe that I would be making an understatement by calling the author ignorant and arrogant. It is because of books like this that people all across the world believe that Americans (and Christians) are arrogant and hateful.

The saddest part about this doctrine is that it isn’t isolated to a poorly written book. Several folks who identify themselves as Christians have given in to the doctrine of de-humanizing out of fear.

I can only pray that God would give us the strength to resist the temptation to allow fear to brew into hatred. All people, regardless of religion, are children of God. My biggest question is not whether or not Islam is a religion of peace, but whether or not Christianity is.

Ministry at it's finest...

2009-10-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

My idea of what ministry is has been challenged so much since moving to Denver. I can't deny that I still struggle with realizing the implications of our ministry at Joshua Station. Every now and then it hits me. That little conversation I just had with my neighbor in the kitchen was ministry! Playing video games with the local kids is ministry! Driving one of our teens to school is ministry! Wow, ministry is so much bigger than I gave it credit for.
I love to study and teach from the Bible. Someday I may even find myself in a job that allows me to do just that. Being at Joshua Station has taught me a very valuable lesson. Even though I am passionate about Biblical teaching as a ministry, my most important ministry happens through the adventure of everyday life. In line with the thoughts of Donald Miller, my life is telling a story. What I have to ask myself everyday is whether that story is the story of God's Kingdom or the story of a wanna-be pastor who sees everything else as worthless because of his narrow minded view of ministry. Honestly, I see both in my life from time to time. I am praying that God will help me to become more and more aware of how simply living among those in transition is the most beautiful ministry I could be a part of in this season of life. I am so thankful for being where I am and, though I don't want to grow too content, I am very satisfied with the ministry I am currently a part of. The ministry of living life with awesome people who have largely been marginalized by their society. There is a beauty about following God when the recognition for doing so is not the driving force. God, thanks for the continual dose of humility.

Bettering Myself...

2009-09-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

Several conversations have sparked a series of thoughts within me. It is so tempting to focus completely on advancing my own social or economic status. In fact, this is often seen as a healthy and even "Christian" thing to do. despite several Scriptural examples going to the contrary, I often hear that God's blessing is most evident in the upper-class of society. The obvious conclusion then is that I must better myself in the world's eyes and be careful not to slide downward on the social-economic ladder.

The biggest issue I have with this philosophy comes in my belief that Jesus did more than just save us from our sin. I believe that He set an example of how to truly exist in this world. When I look at Jesus as a person within His society it is clear that he wasn't a part of the the upper-crust. I would question that He "bettered Himself" in the way that most of us understand the term today. Considering that He often gave instruction to His disciples to get money for some of the most routine things (like entering the temple), it would be pretty safe to assume that He wasn't exactly pursuing an above minimum wage, stable job. In fact, it often seems like He was sliding the wrong way on that precious social-economic ladder, becoming the laughing stock of much of His community. When He was crucified, one of the biggest jokes from the centurions was that Jesus was the most humble King they knew. And although "humble" sounds like a term of endearment, it was meant to show that they thought He was a joke, because what kind of a king doesn't stand in triumph over his enemies. Instead Jesus was naked and defeated before the "powerful" men within the Roman Empire.

So when I look at Jesus' example, I am beginning to think that I don't need to pursue this individual betterment. In fact, the world may look at my current situation and laugh because I graduated from college and work part-time for a coffee house while living in a renovated motel room. Shouldn't I have a stable full-time job with a retirement plan and live in a nicely furnished apartment, or be well on my way to my first mortgage? Well, the exciting truth is that I may never have that stable job, a retirement plan or a mortgage.

This is not a soap-box with the intent of making all people who are trying to "better themselves" feel bad. I believe that God's Kingdom meets people in all walks of life. If you have that stable job with a retirement plan you are not necessarily going against Jesus' example. What I believe needs to be avoided is climbing the social ladder at the expense of our dedication to Christ and loving our neighbor. In a sense I guess that I am trying to resist the temptation to see power and wealth as the best way to further the Kingdom of God. Instead I will try to see them the way that Jesus did; as a false god begging for our allegiance to be shifted from the one true God.

To Be Known...

2009-08-19T11:13:00.001-07:00

I have to give a bit of a disclaimer at the beginning of this blog. I usually blog about impersonal abstract thoughts that are easily defined as ideological ramblings. But, this one is a bit different. I am going to be vulnerable and expose myself on this page (not with pictures you perv). If you are not interested in me talking about...well, me, then you should probably just navigate away from this page now. For those of you choosing to stay; I hope that this resonates with you and you don't think that I'm weird.

I realized recently that I have a huge desire to be known. This is at the heart of my social networking, I think. I have a facebook account where I often post things that will give you a slight window into my thoughts. I have a twitter account (which I admittedly feel rather silly about). I blog...a lot. I have another blog that will be all poems (keep your eyes open for that one). I have a myspace page where I've posted my music. And God only knows what else will pop up in the world of social networking.

These are all attempts to give you a little taste of who I am with hopes that you will be intrigued and want to know more about me. It has taken me a while to admit this. I notice it with others. For example, there is a young man at Joshua Station, where we live, that loves to play a game where we ask him questions about his life and he answers them honestly. He wants desperately for us to know him. I think maybe because he feels like nobody really cares. maybe I'm like him. Maybe I have insecurities that tell me that nobody really cares about Who I am. Or maybe there is another reason for my desire to be known.

Along with desiring to be known, I really want to know the people around me. I am reading "The perks of being a wallflower" (Great book by the way) and all I can think about is how Stephen Chbosky came up with this story. I wonder whether it is semi-autobiographical or completely made up. I want to know what drives my friends to be the way they are. I feel like everyone has a story and I want to know it. And I guess that I want others to know my story too.

The truth is that there are only a small handful of people who honestly know my story. This keeps me protected to a certain degree. It makes me feel safe, because being known is scary...and yet I want to overcome that fear and truly experience being known.

This might make no sense at all. I really hope it does though. If you feel similarly...I would like to hear about it. There is a sense of security in knowing that you are not alone in the way you feel.

Thanks for reading this. Sorry for the personal nature of it. I hope you aren't turned off from ever reading this blog again.

It is a beautiful day...

2009-08-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at work right now and I can't help, but admire how beautiful it is outside. I hate waking up at 5:30am, but I love the mornings. There is nothing that helps my spirit connect with God's better than a beautiful morning.

In this sense I very much believe that we are all connected with the rest of creation.

The trees outside seem to be enjoying the weather as much as I am.

I am also reading "the perks of being a wallflower" which I have heard is a terrific book. My current opinion is that the book is very simply and intriguing. I am hooked to it, but I am not sure if I would call it "terrific" just yet.

This blog is intentionally simple. I have realized that I spend far too much time in my head...so I am simply admiring the weather.

I am also strangely feeling the desire to connect (or re-connect) with people, so if you read this blog then feel free to email me, call me, come visit me, facebook me, etc.

And don't forget to admire the beautiful weather.

Exist

2009-08-09T06:11:00.001-07:00

Not long ago I looked at a tree and a thought crossed my mind. God is pleased with you. Why? Simply because you are what you are. He created the tree to be a tree. The next tree in line can't claim to be better at being a tree. That's just silly. There aren't levels of "tree-dom" that set some trees apart. God is pleased simply with the fulfillment of this creature's function of existing as a tree.

Why do I over-complicate life? Why do I feel like, unlike the trees, I have to reach a certain level of "human-ness" in order to please God? Is it possible that pleasing God is as easy as existing? Or are there levels of "human-ness" that set some of us apart?

Maybe the truth is that we are surrounded by forces trying to convince us that being human means something it doesn't. Maybe loving God and loving others are natural human traits just as growing tall and exhaling oxygen are natural traits of trees. Maybe the point is to allow myself to simply exist as a tree simply exists. Maybe in my simple existence, communion with God and others is natural and un-distorted by the un-natural outside forces of a fallen world. Maybe in our deepest recognition of our own existence we will find a longing for the Divine and will therefore fulfill our function as human beings. Until then we should admire the trees...for they give us a great example of existence...and God is very pleased.

Did we take the bait?

2009-08-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

At Joshua Station we are being asked to read the book "In the Name of Jesus" by Henri Nouwen. In the most recent chapter he spoke about power and this triggered a string of thoughts in my mind that have led to this blog. I hope that this makes sense as it is a compilation of several thoughts while still trying not to bore you. Here it goes.

Matthew 4:9. Satan tempts Jesus by showing Him all the kingdoms of the world and saying "All these things I will give to you if you bow down and worship me." Jesus, of course, resists this temptation. I've heard this verse several times; in sermons, conversation, etc. Only recently have I started to ask an important question. Does Satan still tempt us with this exact temptation? And even beyond that; do we fall for it unknowingly giving up the example that Jesus set for us with His life?

Deep...right? Ironically, there is a story that I heard in college about a missionary organization who had Matt. 4:9 plastered on there doorway, completely oblivious to the fact that those were not God's words. This is semi-funny, but very revealing about the mentality of the Body of Christ today. If you take away the understanding that Satan said these words, most of us would think that this is exactly what God wants for us. There is a worship song that I have struggled with for a long time called "You Said" in which we sing "You said ask and I'll give the nations to you...Oh Lord that's the cry of our heart". I realize that this song is based in Scripture, but I feel like our interpretation of those words don't match the example set forth by Jesus and the early Church. Most of us in The U.S. have grown up in a context that teaches us that the way to change the world is to become the ruler of it...and then set the rules that will change the world for the better. Unfortunately, I believe that the Church has largely adopted this mentality in terms of "Reaching the world for Christ". That's why the largest faith communities are the most "Blessed",the most financially stable Christians are the most "Blessed", and the most powerful nation in the world is obviously the most "Blessed".

Jesus seemed to have a different thought about how to change the world. I am convinced that if He were to walk into our church buildings and share His plan for changing the world most of us would laugh if we didn't realize that it was Him talking. We might say something like..."that's a nice thought Jesus, but in the real world things don't change by simply "loving people"...we have to first gain control of the powers at be and then we can really change things...but thanks for sharing." Ok, maybe not exactly like that, but I'm sure it wouldn't be too far off.

Rather than sharing in our current model of Reaching the world for Christ from the top down (i.e. once we establish ourselves financially...then we can really make a difference in this world) Jesus and the early Church seemed to have the idea that true world change comes from the bottom up. Maybe that's why Jesus insisted that the last will be first and the first last...or maybe that you have to lose, die, become weak, etc. in order to become fully alive and strong in Him.

The power of God's Kingdom is an upside down power that doesn't resemble the power of this world in any way. In weakness it is made strong. God's people have overcome empires by dying at the emperor's feet rather than by killing him. God's people have won numerous battles against oppression without ever taking a swing or pulling a trigger. It is when we allow ourselves to become "weak" in the world's eyes that God's power is shown the most. Look at these examples of "weakness" that changed the world. Jesus, the Disciples, several Saints throughout history (my favorite story is St. Patrick), Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr. There are several more, but those are just a few examples of people who refused to take part in the world's understanding of "power".

I know this is long, but I hope that you are able to understand my passion. It is time that we stop trying to marry God's power with the world's. We have to come to the realization that our God changes the world from the gutters. It might not make sense, but that's the beauty of it. Our God didn't bring salvation to the world from Caesar's thrown, but from the hill where the outcasts are brought to be humiliated. It might not make sense, but this is the God we serve.

When two worlds collide...

2009-06-19T10:53:00.001-07:00

Two worlds are now colliding in my own life. I am currently sitting in a coffee house (where Nicole and I work) in a very wealthy part of Denver called Cherry Creek. When we get off work we make the 10 minute or 25 minute commute (depending on whether we are driving or biking) back home. Home is world #2. We live among folks in transition. They have lived on the street and are currently in a program committed to helping them pick up the pieces and move on in a healthy way.

One world is filled with people who complain, because their eggs Benedict is not runny enough while the other is filled with people who gladly rummage through the recently expired goods delivered by the local grocery store.

I have found myself making a transition of my own. I no longer want to identify myself with the wealthy folks of Cherry Creek. I have become very comfortable identifying myself with my neighbors (both at Joshua Station and the neighboring streets). I have really enjoyed getting to know these folks that get overlooked by most of us. I have been introduced to the beauty that exists in the margins of our society.

I guess that my struggle right now (it seems like there's always a struggle) is learning to love the ones who have no interest in the margins. Those who complain because their food is not just perfect. Those who complain because their muffins aren't made just the way they like them. Those who complain about the effect the economy is having on their retirement plan. Those who say "They shouldn't be picky" when referring to the homeless who are tired of eating oatmeal and soup for every meal.

God, please teach me to love. To not judge. To work out my own salvation with fear and trembling. To worry about the plank in my own eye rather than pointing out the speck I am able to see in their eyes.

This is my struggle. One that I fear I will be dealing with for much of my life. God willing, I will learn to love all and despise none.

Do I need to grow up?

2009-05-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

Am I a foolish, immature, idealistic, naive young man? I run around saying things like:

"The Church should never condone 'justified violence'", "There are things worth dying for, but nothing worth killing for", "World Peace is possible", "Financial Security is not so important in the grand scheme of things", "Nobody is beyond redemption", "I can't really pledge my allegiance to my home country and my God...I would be lying to one or the other"...

Do I need to take a long nap and reconsider what it means to be a responsible adult; a good citizen of this society? Do I need to listen to those folks telling me that in the "real world" my ideals can be a goal, but are just not practical for the present time? Do I need to show my family "love" by securing their financial future through the pursuit of an upper middle-class lifestyle? Should I heed the warning that I am damning their future by pursuing such idealistic goals?

Or should I tune them out and continue down the road I'm on? Should I recognize that this "ideal" is the Kingdom of God invading my life like a mustard plant? Should I invite others to join me on this journey, but shake their dust of doubt off my shoe when they tell me I'm foolish for it? Should I willingly receive ridicule for what I feel so passionately about; turning the other cheek to the slappers? Should I "risk my future" for this God I claim to love? Should I be willing to die at the hands of evildoers in order to show them God's love? Should I continue down this road of childlike, naive, idealism? Or should I grow up?

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE...

2009-04-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER...

Shane Claiborne...you make me so mad. You do so because you bring things up that spark inner-dialogue that goes something like this: "If I agree with him my life will never be the same...if not then I must conclude that he's crazy." The latter would be so easy. But, unfortunately I find myself agreeing with you far too much for me to be comfortable.
After reading a few pages of Shane's book "Jesus for President" today, I was inspired to write this blog. The quote "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" came to mind as I started to ponder the Church (holistically, not any particular body of believers) in the world today. Shane brought up the shift from "persecuted" to "persecutor" that the Church experienced in the 4th century within the Roman Empire. To explain it quite easily, the State couldn't kill the Church...so it absorbed it...which ironically weakened it substantially. When I say weakened I don't mean in a worldly sense, because in the eyes of the world (and sadly a majority of the Church) the Gospel was being spread more powerfully than ever before. The obvious problem is that the Church was spreading the "Gospel" with the same techniques that the Roman Empire in Jesus' day was spreading "Pax Romana"...by the sword. "Successful Ministry" was actually a desecration of Jesus' movement and a deep wound to the Body of Christ.
I will share an illustration that Chris, Shane's friend, shared with me during his stay in Sterling. "The church today is like a fish who has yet to discover water". The illustration is great. The fish doesn't know that water exists because it has never been outside of it. Once it is out of water it knows immediately what water is. Similarly, I believe that the Church is so immersed in the Kingdom of this world that it's hard to see where one ends and the other begins. This is a far cry from the totally distinct movement of Jesus. The Church has become a good "friend" to the Kingdoms of this world. In our own context that would mean the U.S.A. If you don't believe me consider this; several Christians are holding their breath for a wonderful Christian President to protect and deliver them when Jesus taught that we already have a leader who will bring us salvation from the destruction and terror around us. That leader is obviously Him.
We (The Church) have allowed ourselves to be pulled so close to the Kingdom of this world that we are blind to the ways that it contradicts the Kingdom we claim residence in...the Kingdom of Heaven. We have traded a Kingdom where the leader washes our feet like a servant and turns the other cheek to His enemies out of a sense of loving rebellion for a Kingdom where the leader promises protection at the cost of bloodshed and provides comfort on the backs of those impoverished by other under-developed economies. The craziest part of this whole story is that we are so blind to these things, that we fight tooth and nail to argue the "Christianness" of this Kingdom. The word Christian means "Little Christ". It was adopted by the early apostles as they tried to emulate the life of their Rabbi. Let's be honest with ourselves, the Kingdom I've just described is far from the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. I have been inspired to seek His Kingdom and withdraw from the other one. The truth is that the Church should not be a friend to the world. The world desires power and wealth while the Church desires equality and provision for those in the gutters. The world seeks to destroy those who oppose it while the Church seeks to change their hearts with Christ's love. The world is obsessed with its "rights" while the Church will willingly give her's up for the good of others. These Kingdoms SHOULD clash. The fact that they aren't clashing so much is not a testament to the bettering of the world, but rather an indictment to the conformity of the Church.
It's time that we live out the cliche phrase we all know...Let's be in, but not of the world. Let's be foolish in their eyes. Let's offer up a new wineskin for the wine of God's Kingdom rather than trying to somehow fit His Kingdom into the old wineskin of this world's Kingdom. Let us once again be that peculiar people we hear so much about in Scripture. Let's love our enemies and give up our rights for the betterment of our brothers and sisters. Let's give up the luxuries that are born out of the birth-pains of oppression and slavery. Let's not be afraid to seek God's Kingdom in the face of the "wise ones" who tell us its all a fantasy that is not realistic. Let's sever ties with the world who is trying to keep us close enough to cover our eyes. Let's pull it's hand away and look at it for what it is...

Broken...

2009-03-31T13:52:00.000-07:00

I used to think that authenticity was easy. I thought this until I tried it. I didn't really mean to try it. Authenticity sort of found me. Living in-authentically just comes to natural to me. Trying to convince others that life is merry and I have no problems is so tempting, but the truth is that life deals cards that aren't always the easiest to play with. Sometimes we have cards that we don't want others to see...ever. Sometimes others have cards that we don't want to see...ever. Once those cards have been shown, relationships become real. When my relationships started becoming real I started to see the brokenness in my friends and they in turn started to see the brokenness in me.

There is a depth to life that I never experienced until I allowed myself to be vulnerable with people. I realized that this depth of life is painful, uncomfortable, annoying and incredibly beautiful. Authenticity...it hurts, but without it I am not fully alive. I desire to walk with my friends rather than simply trying to give advice as if my life is less broken than theirs. I also desire for those same friends to walk with me. Life is a beautiful adventure that allows us the choice to either live authentically, experiencing the fullness of it or to put on a mask and numb ourselves to everything but the shallowest of emotions. Even though it can hurt, I choose to live authentically.

Feeling a bit at odds...

2009-03-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

I was on a walk tonight with my wife and we began talking about life. We covered many topics, but among them was our desire to live a life that vaguely resembles that of the monastic movements. The common denominator between their movements and ours is the recognition of the corruption of wealth and the desire to step away from it. Now, Nicole and I haven't exactly taken a vow of poverty, but we are desperately trying to detach ourselves from the "treasures of this world" that can be stolen or eaten by moths and focus entirely on the treasures of the Kingdom of God. This is no easy transformation and we have already failed numerous times, but the desire is there.
This desire has made me feel a bit at odds with some folks who don't necessarily think that wealth is quite as big of a temptation for greed and corruption. I think that some of them feel judged by my words and desires. Obviously this is not my intent, but nevertheless this is how some of them feel.
Many people who have gone down the road we are traveling have turned from the organized church. The corruption they've seen has left a bitter taste that seems impossible to get rid of. Because of this, my desire to love and be loyal to the church has made me feel a bit at odds with the people within the counter-cultural movement sweeping through Christianity.
I feel stuck in the middle. Nicole shed some much needed light on my situation though. She said that maybe there is no "middle", because these polar extremes I just described are simply assumed and don't really exist.
God has placed in my heart a burning passion that I cannot ignore. It is a passion to be instrumental in uniting the Body of Christ by helping to expose the lie of having to "pick sides". My experience has taught me to search for truth and beauty in all beliefs within the Church. I feel that this is the key to unity. Once we get past the very non counter-cultural attitude of proving the other side wrong we can join hands and embark on a true journey together. A journey to discover more truth and beauty in this dark world of lies. A journey to fall even deeper in love with our Creator and learn what it really means to see the world through His eyes. A journey to seek first His Kingdom and trust Him to provide everything else.
It encourages me that I am not alone in this pursuit of unity. It discourages me to read Paul and see that this is not a recent development in the Church. Dis-unity has been plaguing the Church from the beginning. Whether or not I live to see it, I pray that one day we can truly be the Church; ignoring borders, ethnicity, economic status, and educational piety. Rather than just seeing a pile of body parts randomly scattered throughout the land I pray that those parts will recognize the importance of others necessary to complete the fully functioning body. It is at this point that the world will believe that Jesus is who He says He is. It is at this point that the world might actually listen to us when we proclaim the love of a unifying God. It is at this point that we will see the Kingdom of God spread like a mustard plant throughout this barren wasteland filled with vanity.
I hope that in reading this collection of thoughts you have been inspired to do something...anything.

Justification...

2009-02-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

Before I begin...I want to say that I have not yet received a reply from Pat Robertson. If I ever do I will pass it on to you, but I will just assume that I never will and you should probably do the same.

It is not very often that I use words like the one I named this blog. I just think it fits. "Why?", you might wonder. Well, you see...Justification, to me, is a word that seems to be used by the masses and understood by the few. For so very long I have been a part of those masses that uses words I don't understand simply because it's the way we (Christians) talk. Justification is something that we experience at the hands of God, but that's not the kind of justification I'm focusing on today. I am focusing on the most common kind of justification to me and several of my family members (Christians). This kind of justification is "self-justification".

Someone very dear to me has come out. Yup, I mean that the way it sounds. She has come out of the closet and has announced to the world that she is, at the very least, bi-sexual. This weekend she asked my wife and I some questions and made some comments that seemed to paint a very depressing picture of my faith. The picture was one that had no room for her and simply cast judgment upon her choice of lifestyle. Our conversation began a process of deep thought mainly centered on the stories I heard about the interactions she was having with Christians in her community. As I heard the things they were saying I couldn't help but see past their hatred. They were doing more than just pointing out sin...they were practicing the age-old tradition of "self-justification".

Basically it goes like this. I am a straight male who struggles with greed. In order to make myself feel ok about myself and my sin I aim at pointing out others' sin all the more. The more I harass the homosexual the more I see that her sin is worse than mine. Eventually the overwhelming feeling of "self-justification" calms me. I can feel good about myself because...well, at least I'm not gay.

Let's pause here (including myself) and realize that although the sins are interchangeable in the story, we can all relate to the art of "self-justification". I do it all the time with those who see no need to care for the poor or their environment. Of course, by pointing out their sin I am able to ignore my own. What a wonderful and yet painfully un-Christian way to live.

Join me in this moment of self-awareness. Let's all recognize our downfalls together. But let's go a step further than just recognition. Let's actually do what Jesus commands us to do and love. The Bible makes certain things very clear about how we should live our lives. Among those are some verses that condemn homosexuality and neglect of the poor. But, even more prevalent than these are verses that command us to love regardless of which of these laws of God are being broken. Let's all remember that no matter what sin we are condemning...we are sinning by doing so because it is impossible to condemn with love. It is one thing to enter into a relationship with someone and be honest about the way we feel, pray for them and their struggles, and encourage their growth. But it is an entirely different thing to hurl insults in the name of God or to completely dis-associate ourselves from the person because of their sin. Let's all join together and practice the most important command of God; to love Him and to love our Neighbors...even the gay ones who could care less about the poor or the environment.

A Christ-Centered Community...

2009-02-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

God has been talking to me. If you have read any of my blogs before this one then you know that that phrase is not usually associated with great feelings of comfort and easiness. This time it feels different. Not necessarily comfortable and easy, but different.

I have been hearing an awful lot about this whole Christ-Centered thing recently. I have also been reading through the Gospel of Matthew (with my feelings playing an active role in my understanding...you can ask me later if you want) which adds to my thoughts immensely. Honestly, I've been pretty sick of hearing this label "Christ-Centered", because it seems to pertain mainly to the 'moral' issues that Christianity has decided to champion. My feelings had mainly been the result of my own convictions. My convictions that extended beyond those 'moral' issues (but did include most of them) into the 'Social' issues that have largely been ignored within the Church. Issues like poverty, the environment, conscientious shopping and how to LIVE in the Kingdom of God here and now. I realized that the 'major' issues Christianity dealt with hardly included these things I was so passionate about. I was quick to dismiss people as 'un-enlightened' due to their ignorance. I almost felt like God made me a prophet to speak truth into the lives of a dead and dying church who didn't have a clue. When I type it out it seems so arrogant...oh yeah, because it is.

I came to a realization after reading one of Jesus' parables about a vineyard owner and the workers he hires. At the end of the day the owner pays all the workers the same amount of money. The ones who had worked for an hour got the same amount as those who had worked for 10 hours. The moral of the parable (in my opinion) is that a worker in the vineyard is just that. The length of time worked, skill level and productivity don't change the fact that at the end of the day you're all workers in the vineyard. This opened my eyes because, at times it can feel like I deserve more than the next Christian because I 'get it' and they don't. Not necessarily more money, but maybe more recognition or just being labeled as 'wise'. The truth is that the person living as a Child of God who hasn't yet been challenged to think beyond the 'moral' issues is just as much a Child of God as I am. Once we enter into this family (albeit dysfunctional) we start a life-long journey that has no clear winners...just a huge group of people trying to figure out this whole "living as God's Children" thing. If we work together rather than trying to prove each other wrong there is no stopping us.

My realization helped me see that there is something terribly wrong. It is common to see a Christian giving their life to helping the poor, but being extremely loose with their sex life get labeled as a 'backslider' in need of a 're dedication'. It is also common for someone to get labeled as a 'Good Christian' for going through the motions of the Christian religion and abstaining from all immediate sexual immorality, while at the same time making no efforts to help the poor or marginalized in any way. This delusion has led several people, including myself, to pick sides. Either you champion the 'moral' issues and cling to abstinence from immorality as the most important part of our faith or you champion the 'social' issues and see Jesus' command to love the marginalized as that key to 'solid faith'.

The truth is that both are pretty weak without the other. We need to come to the realization that 'moral' issues and 'social' issues are both at the heart of Jesus' Gospel. He shows us a better way to live. A way known as the Kingdom of Heaven. Living in this Kingdom includes abstaining from the lusts of this world, but it also very clearly involves reaching out to all people regardless of social stigmas. We need to realize that we need each other. Some social activists severely need their morals to be evaluated and some 'good Christians' need to wake up to the suffering around them. We are all in this together. We need each other. This is the reality of the Body of Christ. The activists need to teach some moral abstainers how to love their neighbor and the moral abstainers need to teach some activists true respect for themselves and for God. This is the beauty of diversity. We might be extremely dysfunctional, but we are a family. It is through this understanding that we can truly move toward a Christ-Centered community.

This lesson has not come easy, but it has been very refreshing and life giving. I have found hope through it. I know this blog is long and mostly boring, but I pray that you have found some hope in it too.

My email to Pat Robertson

2009-02-03T14:43:00.001-08:00

I was talking to my dad a while ago and he challenged me with action. I was complaining about something that I saw on the 700 club, which happens often, when he told me that I should write Pat Robertson a letter. I decided to take the high-tech approach and send him an email through his "bring it on" section on the web-site (how fitting for me email). This is a copy of my letter to him. If I receive anything back, which I am not holding my breath for, I will also post his response. Enjoy!

Mr. Robertson,
I watch your show often, although I must admit that I don't agree with much of what is taught. When I read the Scriptures I see that Jesus is calling us to live a life where we pursue His Kingdom rather than the Kingdom of this world. When I watch your show I often see you promise your viewers "blessings" in return for "faithfulness" - which is often code for giving to your ministry. These "blessings" (i.e. $$$)are obviously pursuits of the Kingdom of this world rather than the Kingdom of God. I can't help but feel that your ministry is enabling people to be very mediocre with their pursuit of God's Kingdom. I respect you as a member of God's Family and would simply like to know how you can read the same Bible that I'm reading and see a completely different message. I would very much appreciate a reply so we can have a genuine conversation about this topic. I don't simply want to attack you, but I also don't want to remain quiet because I feel that you've been very influenced by our culture and are teaching a very culture sensitive Gospel.

Sincerely,
Ben Edwards

Let's talk so I can explain why I'm right...

2009-01-29T19:22:00.000-08:00

"Do not throw your pearls before swine" - Matthew 7:6

This verse is one of those difficult to understand ones that I have struggled with for years. It comes right after a series of verses dealing with being judgmental. For the first time ever, I feel like I might have an idea of what Jesus meant.

I was having a conversation with a co-worker today who was telling me about a confrontation she had with a group of friends recently. They began speaking about Creation and humanities role within it...or Creation's role within humanity...depending on who you talk to. My co-worker was accosted when she suggested that we (humanity) have a responsibility to be good stewards of our environment which God has placed in our care. She defended her position for a little while, but then gave up as she realized that none of her friends were interested in hearing her point of view.

This scenario (not necessarily over the same topic) is all too common among Christians. It seems like our desire to earnestly seek truth together is drowned out by our desire to be "right". It is at this point that I feel like Jesus might say, "Do not throw your pearls before swine". Or in other words; don't waste your breath until the desire to be "right" is replaced with a desire to honestly discuss this topic. You see, my friend was wasting her breath when she was confronted by people with an obvious bios influenced by years of politically charged (not so objective) theology. They had no desire to hear why my friend felt the way she did. They simply wanted her to understand that she was wrong and they would be happy to give her reasons why.

My question is "why?". Why do we have to be "right" about everything? I understand the fear of relative theology, but honestly, if we decide that we should recycle, will that really put God's sovereignty in jeopardy?

I have also been faced with a harsh reality. These people, whom I would love to simply ignore as I live my life, are not simply members of a different church than me. I wish it could be left at that. Then I could just look at them and shake my head, point my finger and speak several words of disapproval as I go about my day. But the harsh reality is that they are a part of my family. We all pray "Our Father". That means that these are my brothers and sisters. I can't simply be disgusted with them and leave it at that. I must reach out to them, be a catalyst for change.

If we don't learn how to simply seek truth together rather than always trying to prove our "rightness", the world will never take us seriously. We are so busy attacking each other it is easy to see why the Church has made a relatively small impact in the secular world. We are a joke. We are hypocrites who are too proud to admit the possibility of flawed philosophy. I would like to propose an idea (new to some, but age old to others). Unity without conformity. Let's honestly seek truth together as children who admit their inability to know all things. We can rely on God to give us the ability to disagree well while upholding the integrity of unity He has blatantly called us to so many times throughout the Scriptures. I know that I am not perfect and I am pretty sure that whoever reads this isn't either. So let's drop the act and allow ourselves to respectfully discuss. If this happens then we will no longer be "Throwing our pearls before swine".

p.s. if you disagree with my interpretation of that verse, you are probably right and should let me know what you think about it.

Charity Case?

2009-01-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a lot recently. I just finished a book called "Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers" by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove and am now reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. Both of these books come highly recommended by my wife and several of my good friends and now I have the privilege of recommending them to anyone who reads this blog. These are both amazing books that have challenged my thought in so many ways. The latest of which is my thoughts on charities.

Now don't get me wrong. I love charities. I even support one monthly. But I believe that where there is a helpful organization there can also be an enabler of apathy. The charity itself is often in the gutter with those who are suffering. Their hearts were broken so they decided to start an organization to help in whatever way it can. These people, some might say, have listened to the words of Jesus when He says to "love your neighbor".

Now let's look at it from our perspective. Our hearts break when we hear about the poor, needy, suffering, etc. We then hear about a charity that is already helping those in need and we give them money to keep doing what they do. This is a noble thing that must happen in order for these awesome organizations to stay up and running. The problem is that we stop there. We feel that our $25/month counts as "loving our neighbor" and we go about our daily lives. The truth is that we can get to the point where a charity becomes our safety net. A good way for us to help those in need without ever having to meet them. We can provide the money for a homeless man to have a Thanksgiving meal at the local rescue mission, but we don't have to sit down and allow him the opportunity to make us uncomfortable with his smell or "clingy" personality.

The way that I see it...we are giving money to help ourselves. We want to give enough so that our conscience stops bothering us, but not so much that we actually have to inconvenience ourselves. I see this in myself so much that it makes me sick. Recently my wife and I, along with my dad and brothers, have started trying to do more for the non-profit that we support. Rather than just giving them money we've decided to put a lot of effort into making sure others hear about it. We've decided to help a local high-school collect over 13,000 books in order to help the non-profit in a real way. This is a very small example, but it is evidence of our desire to "do small things with great love" -Mother Teresa, in order to make a difference while at the same time slimming the gap between us and those in the margins. The only warning I can issue at this point is that once you start walking down this road it is nearly impossible to stop.

I have grown up fairly privileged my whole life. There were a few times throughout the years when we had to make due with food stamps, thrift store Christmas gifts, and a night in the car. But for the most part we were never threatened with extremely harsh situations. I have realized that I have no idea what life is like in the margins. This makes me very sad. The very people Jesus spent the majority of His time with are foreign to me.

Drawing the blog to a close...we will continue to give as much as we can to the non-profit that we support, but we refuse to stop there. I refuse to see the marginalized people as less than beautiful Creations in the same Image of God as myself. I have a huge desire to simply live life with those I have ignored for nearly 24 years. I am not desiring this in order to boost my "holy points", but simply to pursue what I believe is truly the meaning of following Jesus. I want to live life with those in the margins with the hope that I will see God's love in a whole new light, with the hope that God's provision will become more evident to me, with the hope that I will learn how to truly trust God, and with the hope that I will truly learn what it means to love my neighbor and to be loved by my neighbor. I am done with my life of independence and individual prosperity. I desire to live my life with a new motto; "If one of us is starving, it better be because we are all starving".

At this point I want to echo Shane Claiborne's thoughts and say thanks to Jesus for opening my eyes...and for ruining my life :) I will certainly never be the same.

Adventure awaits us?

2009-01-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

So, Nicole and I are pretty sure that Denver is in the cards for us. We are both very excited about this prospect. We are looking ahead to what life will/would be like living at Joshua Station (A transitional housing center). I am excited about several things, but I think the greatest excitement is in how I will view Jesus after we've been there for a while. When I hear about people living in the gutters I am deeply touched...but I haven't ever really been in the middle of it. How much more will we understand God's passion to plead for the widow and defend the orphan, to feed the hungry and help the poor? Don't get me wrong, I know that we have the opportunity to experience these things now, but it is still very easy to seclude myself from the gutter. It will be quite difficult to seclude myself from the gutter when we will be living among several families coming out of it.

I am having a fantastic year at Sterling. I feel God is challenging me a lot (mainly in my trust that He won't lead us to Denver for no reason). I feel that He is challenging me to realize the potential for revolution in the smallness of my daily activity rather than just in the global conflicts that I'm passionate about. I mean, I am so passionate about doing what I can to help these kids who are caught in the crossfire of government and rebels in Uganda, Congo, Sudan and Rwanda. This is obviously a huge need in our world today, but I can't fool myself into thinking that I'm truly engaging the life God has for me if my desire for revolution doesn't start with my daily interaction with the people around me. I don't think that God is too pleased if I'm seen as that jerk who makes up for his attitude by giving money to Invisible Children.

On a venting note:
I watched a show this morning that had a popular religious figure telling the world that it is God's will that we be financially prosperous. So my first thought was, "man, drug lords must be in good with God". I can't help but think that this since this mentality was spoken against in the book of Job, maybe we should get the picture that $$$ does not necessarily equal "God's Blessing".

This blog was very scatter-brained, but that's life sometimes. Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.

Looks aren't everything...

2008-12-18T19:19:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking about Christmas. That has led me to think about Christians. Which led me to realize how we have distorted the story of Jesus' birth to fit our tidy, comfortable, romanticized lens that we look through. Actually, I take that back. We don't distort as much as ignore certain aspects of the story.

Take for example the fact that we often feel like we should be 'above reproach'. Although I agree with this statement, I might have a bit of a different view on what it means than some. Most often when I hear the statement made it refers to how others see us. "We shouldn't be seen there with those people because others might get the wrong idea...and we need to be above reproach."

According to that standard, do you know who wasn't above reproach?

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, The Disciples, etc.

In the spirit of celebrating Jesus' birth, let's look at Mary. Let's see what she would have looked like to standard townspeople.

She was a young girl who either got caught-up in her intimate feelings for her fiance or was too lustful to remain faithful to him. She acted sinfully and ended up pregnant to add to the drama. And to top it all off she claimed that she was still a virgin and that God impregnated her through the Holy Spirit.

If Jerry Springer were alive back then he would have received thousands of calls begging him to do a show about this situation.

We all know that Mary was telling the truth. That she was actually a virgin. That the Holy Spirit did impregnate her. That Joseph had a dream inspired by God helping him to understand. That the Savior of the world was inside of her. But most people around her would have had a pretty hard time swallowing her story.

I point this out because I believe it proves a common thought among Christians wrong. God does not value His creation being 'above reproach' (as many of us understand that statement) as much as He does them loving Him and each other. The fact is, sometimes in order to do that we look like sinners to the pious ones around us. Look at Jesus. He was put to death for blaspheming God.

If God's goal for His creation is to 'look' upright and holy then He made some terrible mistakes with His Son, Mary, the Disciples, etc. I don't think that's very likely. I think that we have created our own expectations that we claim are from God. We want ourselves and others around us to look neat, composed, all together, pure, holy, whether they are or not.

The savior of the world came from a slum. He was the Son of a corrupted mother and father. He was anything but royalty. He ate with the outcasts. He loved the whores. He took fishermen as His Disciples. He was killed in the most shameful way imaginable.

It is pretty clear that looks aren't as important to God as we make it seem. My challenge to myself and to whomever is reading this blog is to love God and others regardless of how it makes us look to the 'good Christians' around us. Love radically. Love dangerously. Love controversially. Love like God.

The beauty of dead things...

2008-12-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to a gray sky. I walked out of my apartment and saw a row of dead trees. I felt the air and it was very crisp and cold.

This sounds kind of like the beginning to a depressing story, but the truth is quite the opposite. I don't know what it is, but this year I've fallen in love with the death of winter. The green, lushes, full trees of the summer are beautiful, but somehow they shy in comparison to the ridged, empty, mysterious look of the winter trees.

It is cool how my views of natural beauty of have changed. I have seen beauty in the most random places. The kind of beauty that takes your breath away. The kind of beauty that brings me unexplainable joy.

I hope that when you read this you are able to look at something that you've passed by a million times and find a new sense of beauty and life where you have never seen it before.

Let's work to continue the revolution...

2008-12-15T13:28:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure how many people read my blog, but I want to do all I can to contribute to peace. This is a link to a story about an abducted child-soldier from Uganda.

I am very deeply impacted by stories like this. It is so easy to feel hopeless when I think about the conflict with the LRA, as you can tell from my last blog. But I also realize that if I allow that hopeless feeling to consume me then I am just one more person doing nothing. If you read this then please join me in doing what we can to end this war in Uganda for the benefit of our forgotten neighbors in Africa. We have far more power in our voice than we would ever believe, especially compared to those who are suffering right now in Uganda, Sudan, and D.R. Congo.

Show us the goods and we'll save your life.

2008-12-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

I must warn you before you read any further that I am writing this out of a combination of depression and anger. This could get ugly...

I read an article tonight that was posted on www.resolveuganda.org. The article showed that the LRA, a terrorist rebel group that has been abducting and killing thousands of Ugandan children and forcing them to kill, has moved to N.E. Congo where it is now destroying villages and kidnapping children and forcing them to kill too. The article points out that the military in Congo is not nearly strong enough to defend itself and that the UN is "ignoring the LRA" because they have other issues to tend to.
My question is this; if Uganda, Sudan, and Congo were rich in oil (or anything else that is valuable to the developed world) would they still be blatantly ignored? I don't know what the answer to that question is, but I do know that it is flat out evil that they are being ignored right now. There have been over 20,000 CHILDREN, between the ages of 5 and 18, that have been abducted by this terrorist group. The boys are given guns and told to kill. The girls are told to lie down for the soldiers who want to have their way with them. These children are literally being tortured, beaten, raped, and killed. Another word that comes to mind is "DE-HUMANIZED".
When 7 Amish children got shot in a school-house last year the entire country was shocked, which it should have been. 65 students were kidnapped and forced to join a rebel army in Congo last month. 65 STUDENTS! I don't know about you, but I can count on one hand how many people here in Sterling paused out of shock...the rest hadn't even heard about it.
I am so sick of under-developed nations getting ignored when terrible things are happening to them. As I said before, I don't know the answer to my question. But if I had to guess, I would say that the developed world would have already gotten involved if Uganda, Sudan, and Congo had something to offer us...or if protecting them was in the developed world's best interest.
If you are reading this, please do the research to find out what's happening over there. (www.invisiblechildren.com & www.resolveuganda.org). Spread the word to as many people as you can, because you never know when someone who has major influence will be touched by the story of over 20,000 seemingly invisible children being forced into military and sexual slavery. These are real kids with real parents who desire justice. I believe that God is hearing their cries and I also believe that we (The U.S.) are in a perfect position of power to do something to help them. Please go to resolveuganda.org and sign the petition to send to congress. And spread the word that we are all sick and tired of only protecting the countries that can offer something to us. With great power comes great responsibility. Let's start to live that out. Until next time.

A Hateful Love...

2008-11-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

I've been noticing a shift in Christian culture recently and it excites me. There is more of a focus on the here and now. The environment, the poor, the oppressed, etc. have increasingly become the focus of so many books, videos, convention speakers, etc. I only hope that this is more than just a momentary fad. I hope that Christians in general are simply responding to the challenge that we all have to address the issues here in our world. More and more I see glimpses of the Kingdom of God in places where it has most recently been ignored. This a is a bit of a side-note before I actually begin my thought for today. I just wanted to express my delight in what I've seen and heard.
I was recently reading an article about universalism in a popular Christian magazine. This article shed some light on my own faith and my own beliefs. I must humble myself at this point and admit that I have scared myself when it comes to my beliefs. At times I have found myself agreeing more with "heretics" than mainstream Christians. This confused me for a long time...and then I read this article. I found myself getting upset with the author. You might think that it made me upset because I disagreed with what the author was saying, but that wasn't the case.
The author was making a case against universalism and why it was a "feel-good" belief that simply tried to ignore that painful truths of this world. He gave an illustration that really enlightened me to my own belief. He said that universalism was like a person trying to defy gravity by jumping off a building and that the Christian person sits in the background trying to convince this person that if they jump, gravity will take over and they will die. This opened my eyes. This person who is trying to save the jumper is doing so out of a sense of love and deep concern for their well-being. I realized that my beef with this author and several more people who argue against universalism is that they make it seem that in order to truly "evangelize" you must strip your message of any sense of love and compassion. You must tell this person that they are a sinner and going straight to hell if they don't accept the "fire insurance" that is Jesus Christ. They honestly believe that by falling into a negative stereotype of Christianity (Judgmental, Condemning, Holier than thou jerks) they will single handedly change the heart of the person they are talking to.
I hate when people ask the question, "If people don't accept Christ then they go to hell, right?". I don't hate it because I disagree with the statement. I hate this question because I believe that it reduces my God to so much less than who He really is. The purpose of being a Christian becomes "salvation for eternity" rather than "pursuing the Kingdom of God here on earth." Although salvation is extremely important and something that fills us with so much hope, I don't believe that it's the most important aspect of being a Christian. If it were, then God's Love would mean nothing to me until I died. To me, the most important aspect of being a Christian is pursuing God's Love for all creation here on earth.
So I believe that fundamentalists who find it necessary to make lists of all those whom they think are going to hell, are missing the point. Quite frankly, I believe they are wasting their own, and our, time trying to get us to confess that hell awaits those who haven't accepted God's Love. I feel it is far more productive to simply love all people in order to present His Love to those who haven't accepted it. Some people might consider me a "feel-good" Christian who tries to water down the Gospel, but I feel that the Gospel speaks more of loving people than of condemning them. I feel that we should leave the job of changing hearts to God. Call me crazy, but I think He's better at it. So until next time...

Sow my seed?

2008-10-10T22:17:00.001-07:00

I am feeling rather emotional today...fair warning before you read any further.

For some reason, I have watched a lot of t.v. today. And for some reason every time I turn the t.v. on I am drawn to televangelists. For some reason I subject myself to this painful agony. Why is this painful? Is it painful because I am annoyed at the way this guy presents himself? Is it painful because I feel like this guy is manipulating people into "sowing their financial seed" into his ministry. Or is it painful because I feel like these people are misrepresenting my God?
I guess that the main question is whether the anger I feel in my soul is of God. I can't ignore the anger. This is a unique type of anger that I am feeling. I have felt "angry" in such a way that for a moment I despised a person, place, or thing. The unique thing about this is that I feel a deep burning that has continued for years. I feel a deep pain every time I hear these people promise me 10 times the amount of money that I give them...if I just give to them first. I feel a pain for the people that are listening to this and being convinced to send their rent check, because they are told that the poverty wouldn't last more than a night. They are told, "before you know it...you will be richer than you could ever have imagined."
I'm not sure that these people are pursuing the same God as me. It makes no sense to me that God would call people to give what they have to the poor...and also to the rich pastor who wears a gold ring on every finger because he is "anointed". How could God want us to defend the widow and plead for the orphan while at the same time ignoring them to pursue personal gain. Make no mistake...even if this would be a legitimate "ministry", the people giving are not giving out of faith that God would feed the hungry. These people are giving money because this person says; "if you do...you will be blessed with more money than you know what to do with." This is a financial investment. The more I evaluate this the more I feel that deep burning pain in my soul.
Why do people fall for this stuff? There are many possibilities, but I would argue that they are desperate. They are desperate for a quick fix to their problems. They want a "miracle" that will keep them from ever being in need again. They are convinced that if they believe in God, they should not be poor. Pharisees had this thought too. They though that wealth represented anointing. With this "ministry" in mind...how many of Jesus' disciples were rich? How many of them got rich after they started to follow Jesus? The answer makes me think that maybe this person is in fact manipulating people for his own gain. The answer makes me think that maybe this person is in fact misrepresenting the one and only true God.

We have been told for years that we should be "in the world, but not of the world". I could not agree more. But we disagree on what that means. If you say this line and then follow it with, "so don't drink, smoke, have pre-marital sex, or cuss..." then you are completely missing the greatest conformity to our "world" that Christians experience. The society that we live in is a Capitalist society. I believe in Capitalism in the sense that a person can be born poor and work their way up. Cast systems are evil. What I don't believe though, is that God wants the Church to be Capitalist. God doesn't want the church to be more concerned about buildings than the people. God doesn't what the church to be so wrapped up in being the most powerful and influential church that they miss the opportunities to minister to the forgotten people in their back yard. The truth is that God wants us to let go of our money. Not that He wants us to give it all away, but that He wants us to be willing to let go for the sake of His Kingdom. We love our money so much that it's keeping us from truly loving God. Our love for money is what keeps people like this televangelist in business, and he's doing more than simply taking people's money. He is presenting a God that is contrary to the God I worship. He is presenting a God that is more like an ATM machine than an all knowing, all powerful, RELATIONAL Being. It's time for us to stand up and be willing to say something about this. I realize that we can't just stop these people from doing their "phonathons", but we can be the seed for change in our communities. We can live our lives in such a way that people notice our love for God and others before they notice what we own. We can live our lives in such a way that we represent the true God who wants us to give our hearts and souls to the forgotten, the beaten, the oppressed, the lonely, the sick, etc. This is who needs your "seed", not the self proclaimed "prophet" who drives around in a mercedes payed for by thousands of desperate, faithful, hopeless, broken people.
If this makes you mad...let me know. If you disagree with me...let me know. If you are as angry as I am...Please let me know.

Drink it in...

2008-10-09T10:56:00.001-07:00

As I sit on a campus park bench I realize that even in Sterling, KS it is nearly impossible to sit in silence. I simply want to listen to the wind brush through the trees, the acorn fall to the ground, and the squirrel gnaw at the acorn. I simply desire to soak in my natural surroundings. The problem is that while the wind is blowing, the acorns are falling, the squirrels are gnawing, and I am trying to soak in it; semi-trucks, cars, motorcycles, airplanes, and other noisy means of transportation are drowning out any natural sounds around me. It makes it nearly impossible to enjoy even a moment of solidarity. Wait...what's this...no cars? Finally some quiet.
As if God was answering my cry to hear the acorns fall, an acorn just hit the ground about 5 feet from where I am sitting. I can't help but be amazed at God's handywork. Why don't I make more time to come out here and admire the simple beauty of acorns, trees, and squirrels? It could be the fear of an acorn hitting me in the head (which would definitely hurt). But I think that my barrier is something a bit less tangible. I think it's my distractions. If I critically evaluate the way I spend my time, I can't help but notice many distractions. For example, television and video games. Cell phones and email. The list goes on, but these few examples account for hours of my day. Hours that could be spent soaking in God's beauty.
The amazing thing is that while it is hard to motivate myself to come out here, once I come I feel more refreshed than any other time. I feel completely and totally alive. I feel like I actually exist in a world made of dirt, vegetation, and air rather than carpet and air-conditioning.
If you are reading this and don't understand anything that I'm talking about then go outside and soak in God's creation. Just sit there and try not to be amazed. You might find yourself feeling more alive than ever before.

Really? I thought it was bad for you...

2008-09-30T14:13:00.000-07:00

So I was watching the television the other day when a funny commercial appeared. I laughed at it partially because it was intended to be funny and partially because if I didn't I would have probably vomited. This was a pro-High Fructose Corn Syrup advertisement (No Joke). The key phrase used to argue the point that it isn't as bad as people say was that High Fructose Corn Syrup "in moderation, is not bad for you." I had to laugh (or vomit) at this because I was somewhat informed about the amount of High Fructose Corn Syrup I digest in the average day. There are some uses that are widely known (i.e. Most Candy, Soda, Gatorade, Non-100% fruit juice, ice-cream syrup, etc.) The scary part is that there are several that you probably didn't know about...at least I didn't until I was informed. For example in my home we have the following:

Wheat Bread (1g/slice)
Ketchup (4g/serving)
Strawberry Jelly (13g/serving)
Lemonade (28g/serving)
Pizza Sauce (2g/serving)
Beef Ravioli (11g/serving)
Vanilla Wafers (12g/serving)
Worcestershire Sauce (1g/serving)
Hot Dogs (1g/serving)
Apple Sauce (17g/serving)

I must also add that my wife and I TRY to consume cane sugar as opposed to High Fructose Corn Syrup in most things...so imagine what the list would be in a home that didn't share that goal.
The point that I am making is that High Fructose Corn Syrup is not something that is consumed "in moderation". Since it is in so many things that we wouldn't expect it to be in, I would say it's a safe move to simply avoid it at all costs when you can.
So in conclusion miss television advertisement lady...You are funny...and misleading. Stop it!

We have the right to give up our rights...

2008-09-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

I am currently trying to think of what I should use as the title of this blog. Many ideas have crossed my mind but to be honest, none of them have given me that "feeling" of "Yup, that's the one." So hopefully while I'm writing it will just come to me.
We are a society of rights. This great country is based on rights...without rights there is no freedom.
The crappy thing about my life is that God speaks to me. What I mean is that God doesn't just let me live my life in ignorance as I wish He would. You see I have been thinking about these "rights" I have for a while now and a problem has risen up in my heart. The problem is that I've realized the injustice that can come upon others as a direct result of me practicing my rights.
Our society clings to it's rights with a fierce passion. This is not necessarily a bad thing, considering what I've already mentioned about rights being the foundation of freedom. The "bad" comes in when we allow ourselves to practice our rights regardless of the effect is has on the people around us. For example, say that a woman is having an urge to smoke a cigarette inside the car full of her co-workers. There is nothing in the law of the land that restricts her from practicing her "right" to smoke a cigarette inside the car. However, if the woman actually lights up, there will be several other people effected by her second hand smoke. Most of us would hope that the woman has the heart to wait until they've come to their destination and she is outside the car.
Now comes the part that I feel most passionately about. I have heard many people make the argument that our churches are too influenced by society. I've actually become quite weary of this slogan. But I've realized that my weariness comes due to the examples given as opposed to the principle itself. Most of the people that I've heard this from have cited examples such as openness to movies with foul language, members of the congregation going out to have a drink, etc. Because of these fairly trivial and overused examples I didn't really buy into the idea.
Recently I've come to the realization that the biggest attribute of our society that Western Churches have adopted is our passionate defense of "rights". We will exercise our rights no matter who complains about it. For example, we will buy 5 televisions, 3 mp3 players, 3 sports cars, all the nicest new clothing, etc. Now as I've mentioned before, the televisions, mp3 players, cars, and clothing are not bad in themselves. The part that's bad is that we (The Church) spend an unfathomable amount of money on "stuff" when people in our own back yards are digging in dumpsters to find meals. The evil of our "rights" is that we practice them regardless of who will be effected. We buy clothing, coffee, tea, decorations, and office supplies from stores that don't make a point to pay the providers fairly for their wages.
My understanding of Christianity is that it is supposed to be different. When the entire world is killing each other over trivial things, exploiting the poor and oppressed, avoiding the forgotten; we are to reach out to the dying, help the poor and oppressed, and remember the forgotten. In order to accomplish this we must, at times, be willing to give up some of our fundamental rights. We must realize that sometimes practicing our rights is in fact NOT what Jesus would do.
So here I go, trying to figure out exactly what this means in my own life. As you have already read in one of my previous blogs, I have given up Wal-Mart. I must admit though, that I don't think that's enough. I think that many of the rights I ignorantly practice are having a negative effect on people I know and many more that I probably will never meet.
So what do you say we start something radical. Let's be willing to give up the rights that hurt others. Let's be willing to put others ahead of ourselves. I might be a bit optimistic, but I feel that if we do, the world will dramatically change. We are only a few people, but the Kingdom of God is like a seed...like yeast...like a few people willing to take a stand and live their life a little differently.

Politics, Religion, and Radical Love

2008-09-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here watching a show about Barack Obama (oh...who to vote for?). I am one of the ever so coveted "undecided voters". Of course I am a resident of Kansas so what does that really mean? Surprisingly I am actually not thinking about politics. I am actually trying to organize my thoughts of what I am going to speak about at chapel later this month. If you happen to view this blog and are going to this chapel then you are getting a sneak peak at what is going on in my head. I'm not sure whether to say you're welcome or I'm sorry.
It is occuring to me that we (Christians) aren't really loving the way that Jesus loved. I am beginning to understand more and more that when Jesus loved, most people said "Are you nuts?". I am also beginning to understand that when I show love most people say "good for you". I am not saying that the love that I show people isn't good, because it's great. But I am saying that my love is not as daring as Jesus' love. I can't help but think of some people who did love like Jesus loves.
I am thinking of Oscar Schindler who, though he was originally motivated by a desire for money, risked his life and went broke protecting a great number of Jews from the evil of the holocaust.
I am thinking about a church in Denver who has a ministry that involves helping local prostitutes make extra money by working inside the church.
I am thinking about a woman from South Africa who met her husband and son's murderers with love when she had the opportunity to have them put to death.
Love is the only thing that we Christians have to give to the world that looks different than what secular society offers. It only makes sense that we make it as noticable as we can...even if it does make people, even other Christians, mad.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but if it doesn't then God help me for this chapel. Adios amigos.

Sleep Deprivation...

2008-07-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm not even going to try to fake this. It is late. I have to work pretty early in the morning. And I can't sleep. I am hoping that posting a blog will help me get tired enough to rest my head for a few hours. Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I won't be offended if you stop reading right NOW...because the rest of this might be really really bad.
I just finished writing a song that somewhat reflects the movement going on in my heart. The song is called "Garments of Skin". The title comes from Gen. 3:21, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them." This song really means a lot to me for two reasons, 1. I like the idea of God giving me what I need to cope with the mistakes I've made. There just seems to be something beautiful about that. and 2. it kind of marks the continuation of my journey of reconciliation with pop-Christian culture. I allowed myself to become so cynical that I pretty much shut myself off to everything Christian. God has really helped me see His beauty everywhere...even in contemporary Christian propaganda. So though it may seem rather trivial to the listener (or reader in this case) the fact that I would write a song like this really means a lot to me.
I have been on a journey of self-discovery for a while now. I am really starting to be OK with who I am. This self-acceptance has given me the freedom to express myself in ways that I never have before. I now realize that for most of my post high school life I've tried desperately to present myself in ways that my peers would approve of. I now see how destructive that is to creativity and authenticity. I still have a lot of struggles to overcome, but for now I feel OK with expressing myself regardless of what anyone thinks about it. I realize that this is pretty boring to read, but I warned you at the beginning...so stop complaining :) Anyway, I think I have wasted enough of your time...regardless of whether you are bored or not...I really hope that my journey of self-acceptance will rub off on others. I know from experience that it is so much harder than it sounds, but I promise you that the freedom is worth the effort. If you are a friend of mine and have contributed to my life in any way...thanks. I hope that I have done the same for you. To my dad, I really value our conversations (aka arguments) over theological and philosophical issues. Your guidance in my life has really helped shape who I've become...and am still becoming. Keep rocking homie-g. And to my wife, who may or may not have made it this far in this ridiculous blog, I love you. You are amazingly beautiful and I am blessed beyond what I deserve to have you in my life. Well...I am actually feeling a bit tired so...off to bed.

Oh the Bliss of Ignorance

2008-06-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Oh the bliss of ignorance. Until recently I have, nearly religiously shopped at Wal-Mart for nearly everything. This isn’t so much because I liked Wal-Mart, their merchandise, or their nearly vindictive yellow smiley face. I shopped at Wal-Mart because it was extremely convenient. I loved walking into one store and picking up the groceries, camping gear, deodorant, Christmas gifts, frying pan, vacuum cleaner, and cd’s from my favorite band…while at the same time getting my oil changed and tires rotated. Yes it is true that Wal-Mart has helped turn us into a generation of convenience.
The truth is that convenience has blinded us. Many of us have heard allegations against Wal-Mart regarding the nasty “S” word…Sweatshops. Many of us, including me, have heard them, but chose to ignore them so that we’d still feel good about shopping at the most convenient place in town. For so long I ignorantly ignored these allegations and paid no attention to what I bought or where I bought it. Well, no more. Wal-Mart I am on to you. I now realize that you have nearly single handedly killed the small businesses of America. That you continue to “roll back” your prices which forces American producers to outsource to other countries like China, Indonesia, Thailand, etc. That you either choose to ignore the fact that so many of your goods are made by the beaten, overworked and underpaid, slaves who barely make enough money to survive, or maybe you do know…and hire the people who keep the slaves working.
Well, Wal-Mart…it’s been a good/ignorant relationship we’ve had. Unfortunately, I cannot continue to support you. I know that I’m only one, and it would take millions to put you out of business. But I am doing my part and praying that more people will realize the disgusting truth. I am really praying that your CEO’s will realize the evil they’ve endorsed for quick “$$”. Until then, I’m sure that I’ll see you around (at nearly every town with 5,000 people or more), I may even come in to say hi, but I think we had better end our consumer/provider relationship for good.

Sincerely,

Ben

A New Perspective

2008-05-23T13:51:00.000-07:00

In what seems like the blink of an eye life has taken a huge turn. I can't quite say that my life until how had been "missing" something, but I also can't deny that everything now has a slightly different look, feel, taste, smell, and sound. The life I am experiencing now is different than anything before.
Recent events have raised some questions in me, like whether or not my life will seem interesting to anyone else. (I must also ask whether or not this squirrel is as fascinated by my grip of this pen as I am of his grip on the acorn he's carrying through the park).
I am married now. I love my wife. She amazes me with her words, her looks, her touch, her smell, her compassion for all living things, and so much more. We've been married for just under 2 weeks. I'm not sure if it's really hit us yet that we're married, but life does definitely seem different. I'm not sure that we will ever have the "typical marriage" that so many people kind of expect. I really hope not. I hope that our marriage inspires us to live life. I also hope that kind of inspiration will come to others because of us.
Life is different, but I don't think it's the world that's changed. I like my new perspective. Challenges are sure to come, but for now I will simply appreciate the beauty that is now.

UN-ETHICAL LOVE

2008-02-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

Ethical superiority is so important to us. It seems as if the main goal of Christians today is to prove that their way of life is "holier" than other less ethical ways of life. Take for example the homosexual community who most Christians are so afraid of that they simply avoid them all together. Almost every message that I've ever heard toward homosexuals is...You're sinning! Of course the person delivering this message is forgetting completely about the woman/man they looked at lustfully this morning on their way to work. The important thing is to make it seem as if the sin of homosexuality is somehow worse...
I'm only focusing so much on homosexuality because it's a well known example. You could apply this blog to almost every group of people out there. The whole point is that God doesn't want us to prove to the world that we're right and they're wrong. God wants us to simply love people. The funny thing is that if we actually loved people, I think more lives would be changed.
I want to start a movement (or actually join a movement that several people have already started) where ethical superiority is not the goal, but rather love is the goal. A movement that doesn't condemn homosexuals for the folly of living in sin, but rather expresses to them that God's love isn't limited to those of us who aren't gay. I do believe that homosexuality is a sin, but no worse than the sin of gossip...which I am guilty of doing as recently as 2 hours ago while I was on the phone with my dad. The truth is that God loves us dispite what we've done or the sin we live in. Thank God for that or we'd all be going to hell...

Today

2008-01-11T00:48:00.000-08:00

The grass is always greener on the other side. That's a phrase we've heard one too many times, but I must admit that it sums up my life. I recently came to the painful realization that I very seldom ever live in the moment. When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up so that I could do all these amazing things (i.e. be a famous baseball player, rock out in a band, etc.). When I finished highschool I couldn't wait to move off to college because it was going to rock. When I started dating I couldn't wait to get enganged, because that would change my life. When I got engaged I immediately couldn't wait until I was married because that will change my life. These things weren't really bad, but I've realized that I have missed so much of my life. I am engaged right now and for the past year the only thing I've been thinking is "I can't wait until I'm married". The truth is I've been looking so forward to it that I've forgotten to enjoy being engaged for more than just the annoying time between dating and marriage. The truth is I have the love of my wife right now. Sadly it's taken me this long to truly step back and acknowledge that.
Life is far too short to simply dream about the future all day long. When I actually allow myself to live in the moment I am shocked at how much beauty I see in the smallest things. The other day I noticed how the street lights in Kearney, NE all allign in an amazing way. Life is full of little beauties that go unnoticed because we don't live in the moment. So I guess I am giving a challenge in this blog to allow yourself to experience the life you are living right now. I think you'll be surprised at how beautiful even Kansas can be.

Garments of Skin...

2007-12-01T23:49:00.000-08:00

The Garden of Eden must have been amazing. I picture it being far greater than anything we have ever seen on earth. I feel like words probably wouldn't do it justice. Only art ,poetry, music, etc. could even come close to capturing it's beauty. It's breath-taking beauty would only be trumped by the never absent presence of God. What would life be like if sin would have never crept into this world? What would life be like if we all lived in the Garden? We all know the story; the fact that Adam and Eve betrayed God by going directly against His warning to stay away from the forbidden fruit. At this point I can't imagine the agony Adam and Eve feel. They have just knowingly committed the first sin in the history of mankind. They must have been devastated. I can't begin to imagine the pain that God felt. His creation has just betrayed Him; basically saying that they don't trust His words, that they thought the words of the serpent were more attractive. The story of the fall of mankind is one of devastation...but yet in a verse that is easily overlooked there is subtle beauty.
In Gen. 3:21, the Scriptures say that God made garments of skin for Adam and Eve. I've read this several times, but the last time I read it I saw the amazing beauty and love packed into this seemingly insignificant verse. Adam and Eve's shame about being naked was a consequence of the fall, of their disobedience to God. If somebody goes directly against my advice and then winds up in trouble I'd probably just say "You made your own bed, now you have to sleep in it". But God does quite the opposite. In a beautifully humble gesture (making garments of skin), God is saying, "I know you disobeyed me and I am hurt, but I love you so much that I will even help you cope with the consequences of your actions."
This may not seem very revelatory to anyone else, but to me it seems beautiful. It brings me comfort to know that my God is a God who will take care of me, even when it's my own stupidity that gets me into trouble.

A + B = Love?

2007-11-27T19:33:00.000-08:00

Ok guys...so this is what you have to do to fall in love. First of all you need to find a girl who loves you. Secondly you need to tell her that you've had many other girlfriends in the past, but they all mean nothing compared to her. Thirdly you need to speak loving words of commitment and fidelity into her ears. After all of these steps are completed you will love this woman.

Ok, so I certainly hope that nobody is following my advice, because it's a pile of garbage. The funny thing is that often times this is how we treat falling in love with God. We tell people that all they have to do to fall in love with God is follow these steps (The Roman's Road). Please don't get me wrong. I think that the Roman's road is an extremely valuable tool that we should use to explain the need for/process of salvation. I only say what I said before because too many times the process of actually falling in love with God is mixed into that exact same salvation process. Unfortunately we cannot force ourselves or anybody else to fall in love with God. It isn't a 3 step process with 100% success. Falling in love with God is probably more like falling in love with people that we want to admit. Some things we know for sure. We know that we must get to know God. We must allow ourselves to experience God in whatever way He's revealing Himself to us. But, we must admit that actually falling in love with God is something that happens to us...we can't force it to happen.

My challenge is this...the next time you witness to somebody, tell them the process of Salvation, but please don't neglect to tell them that there is a God who truly wants to have a "relationship" with them. He wants to be more than their "savior from the fire pit". He truly loves them and I believe that He wants them to be open to falling in love with Him.

Moral Conversion...

2007-11-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

There is a question that has been bothering me lately. "What is the role of morals in my life?" I started to think about this in response to a section of "Searching for God knows what" that I read a few days ago.
I heard a speaker give a message at my school one fine Wednesday morning. He was going on and on about his "successful" missionary journeys to remote tribes somewhere in the "unreached" portion of the world. Don't get me wrong, I love missions. I think that missionaries are some of the finest people in the world, but this guy just concerned me with a couple of the things he said. He talked about how his group had great success within this particular tribe that used to run around naked everywhere. Thanks to the massive effort of his missionary group, they were taught that nakedness was "morally unacceptable" and that Christians should always where clothes. I don't know about you, but I can rest easy tonight knowing that distant tribes now cover themselves up...regardless of whether or not they love God.
I only use this example to show that so many people put their perception of morality over even God when sharing the Gospel with somebody. The most important thing that missionary could have given to those people is encouragement to have a true authentic relationship with their creator, but instead he convinces them that his morals are better than theirs and converts them to that. In fact more people than you think (me included) try to convert non-believers over to their specific system of morals and values rather than trying to convince them to pursue a relationship with the Living God. If you don't believe me just listen to any televangelist give examples of what is wrong with the world. The problem is never that we have billions of people who are void of a relationship with God...it's always that there are billions of people who just don't act "Christian".
I want to make a pact with myself and with God. I will do my best to stop trying to preach morality over God. I will continue to express the need for morality, but I will also make it very clear that "good morals" should be a by-product of an authentic relationship God...not the other way around.

I like you more than a tree...

2007-10-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

I was out last night taking a stroll at the lake trying to quiet myself long enough to let God talk to me rather than me just dominating the conversation. As I was sitting there I read a portion of Scripture and was bombarded with thoughts and revelations about life that I would love to share with you.
As I was sitting there reading I couldn't help but notice the tree right beside me. This tree was gigantic compared to anything else around it. I started to think about the fact that this tree is a plant. I could barely believe that this huge, stronger than life thing was a plant. The more I stared and pondered the more in awe I was of this tree.
God really slammed a thought into my head at about the time I was going to start worshiping the tree (just kidding). God reminded me of Jesus' words about how much more God will take care of us than the rest of creation so why worry about what tomorrow would bring? This thought from Jesus would suggest that we (humans) are quite possibly God's most beautiful creation; the creation He loves the most. This thought led to another, more challenging one.
I have never looked at a tree and said "this tree is so much better than that other one...I am going to hate this tree..." The sad thing is...I have done that with people. There are some people who immediately have my respect and attention when they speak. Some people that I just like better than others. The challenge there is that I stand in awe of trees more than I do my fellow humans. If you really stop and think about it, humanity (the way God sees it) is the most beautiful thing in the universe. We, I think, are the only creatures capable of loving God back. The more I think about it, there is no possible way that I can look at humanity and not stand in awe of it...unless I try.
I have made an October resolution. I am going to appreciate people, love people, serve people, respect people, focus on other people, etc. I might (will) fail occasionally, but I believe that God really showed me something beautiful about us. This gives me hope for a better future; a future saturated with true community the way God intended it, with people who genuinly care for one another and love each other more than trees.

Wow...

2007-10-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Wow is the only word that can come even close to explaining what I experienced today. I wish that I could take full credit for the content of this blog, but I would be lying to you. A few days ago my beautiful fiance and I were talking about John 3:16 and much of what I am going to share has come from her...so thanks Nicole:)
I was on a quest to find solidarity today when I decided to take my book outside and read a few pages. The sun was hot on my back and the wind made it difficult to keep the pages from turning against my will, so I eventually just put the book down and took a little walk through the meadow that is the lawn in front of Campbell Hall. I started to ponder the true implications of John 3:16...the basic nutshell version of our conversation was that God so loved the "world" that He gave His one and only son...It is very true that God loves us, but this verse gives a much more inclusive image of God's love. God loves the world...God loves the trees, the grass, the cows, the sky, the clouds, the stars, the moon, the planets, etc...so much that He gave His one and only Son. As I sat there trying to wrap my mind around this idea. I was dumbfounded. (Here comes the WOW part). I started to walk back to Campbell when suddenly something swooped right in front of my face at a million miles and hour (exageration). I looked up and saw a single butterfly. It was cool to look at, but nothing new to me really, but then I looked up and saw his/her friends...too many to count. They were flying around the trees and making the most amazing picture as I looked up. I was completely captivated, I couldn't look away. At that moment I felt as if God was telling me "You see Ben, I love the world...if I didn't love the world would I have made it this amazing and beautiful?" I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of how God can love a tree, but I feel like I experienced God's love in a way I had never experienced before...

The Music of Life...

2007-10-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I just finished playing my guitar and contemplating life (good combo, I know..) and I had a very deep thought. In some abstract way we are all singing a song. This song is life. Many of us are singing in different keys and time signatures, but we are all singing. The most beautiful thing in the world is when these time signatures and keys come together for a common purpose (a song if you will) and suddenly create a multi-dimensional masterpiece. This is what I feel like God's desire is for us. I believe that the Kingdom of God is simply made up of a bunch of people who are singing beautiful solos, but deciding to come together for the purpose of creating a beautiful song. There are a couple of things that I feel like we need to remember during the song...first of all, we need to listen to, and appreciate, one-another. Second of all, we need to realize that not everyone will be singing our part...and that's part of the song's beauty. I know this one's a little out there, but that's just what I'm feeling. Thanks for reading.

The Kingdom of God

2007-10-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

So..."The Kingdom of God"...this is something that I've been meditating on for a long time. We've all heard the term used over and over again and I think we all have an idea of what it means, but is there more to the meaning that we know? For a long time I understood the "Kingdom of God" to be exactly the same thing as heaven. In many ways I still think that's true, but I believe there's more to it (as is often the case with God). What if the truth is that the "Kingdom of God" is something we are looking forward to...and is something that's already here? Heaven is something that we need to look forward to. I mean after-all our citizenship is there as opposed to here, but I believe that when heaven is all we focus on we miss the point that God's Kingdom is something that is here and that we are supposed to be spreading. God's Kingdom is made of people who love one another, seek justice, show kindness to all, show tolerance for others, etc.. These are all things that we should be seeking to do right now. "The Kingdom of God" is something that we look forward to, but it's also something that we can (and should) pursue right now!